The ability to maintain friendships after failed dating relationships is something I’ve always been graced with. There have been so many times I’ve had people say “How do you do that? I could never!” and all I can say is that either it’s a talent, or I’m lucky. In any case, it has come to fruition yet again and I’m just as grateful for it as I’ve always been.
I’ve dated some pretty great people, even if the circumstances weren’t the best, I was happy to know these people and have them in my life. Just because the romance didn’t work out, doesn’t mean we can’t still be friends. The fact of the matter is, I had formed attachments with these people, and I have a hard time just letting them go completely. It’s been extremely beneficial that I’ve mastered the art of successfully moving from a relationship into a friendship that lasts.
Over the last week of thinking, I came to the conclusion that I cannot handle another “open relationship.” Honestly, I’m not sure why I didn’t remember that from the beginning. Remember Sneeze & Womanizer? They both wanted open relationships where we could date other people, and for both of them I honestly tried until we finally came to a breaking point. There were different events in both instances, but they both ended with us agreeing to be friends and moving on with our lives.
Let me just add, they’re both in serious relationships with someone else now… Weird, but good for them, I’m really glad they’re happy.
I went to The Musician’s house to talk to him last night. It has been a rough week of going back and forth; debating with myself because I care for him so much, but was pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to handle the open dating. The attachment is too strong at this point to keep dating him and separate my emotions from it, and through the heartache and decision process it was pretty clear that I had to. Throughout the day I worried about losing him as a friend as well, because I want him in my life.
It turned out very well, and I’m happy to say this whole experience has earned me a valued friend. I am so grateful for the maturity level on both ends, and the fact that we care for each other enough to acknowledge each other’s feelings on the situation and accept the other person for who they are and what they want for themselves right now.
I am very grateful for the whole experience, and I have to thank him, because I don’t feel like I’ve ever been so sure of what I want for myself in a relationship. In processing the whole thing, it hit me that I want something real. I’m looking for a relationship that is lasting, where that person wants to be with me (and only me) and vice-versa. Where we’re there for each other, and can grow with each other and build something with a strong foundation not based on sex. The Musician even reminded me that the best relationships grow from a friendship, and that’s where I plan to start with people from now on.
I have a great friend, and we’re going to spend actual time together as friends. If something happens in the future it happens, but I’m not waiting around anymore. I spent a year and a half waiting for E, and while I still do not regret it (due to the things I’ve learned) I won’t put myself through that again. Knowledge is power, and now that I know what I want I’m going to go out and get it and stop waiting around for something that may or may never be.
I am a strong and confident woman, and it’s time that I started valuing myself as such. It’s time I go after what I deserve and stop waiting for whatever might come. We define our own future, and while I still believe fate has something to do with it, I think I can help to shape it into what I’d like it to be.
I want to be happy. I deserve to be happy, and I’m glad to have such great friends along the way. They mean so much to me.