I confess… I’m having trouble coping-much more trouble than I ever expected to have. I knew the transition would be difficult and that I’d miss my best friend like crazy, but I didn’t expect to feel so lost. Change is hard, I know that, but this feels like everything is different. Nothing feels the same. Nothing feels quite right. I’m not 100% sure I can do this.
I confess… I’ve been drinking my feelings away a bit. No, I’m not an alcoholic, but a little whiskey has gone a long way to calming my nerves and the bouts of grief I feel when I think about all the empty spaces in the apartment. Empty spaces I really thought I’d be excited to fill with my things, but that I haven’t been able to touch. I’m working on putting at least one new thing in these empty spaces each day until it feels right. It’s slow going. I also find it very hard to sleep knowing I’m the only one there. I know it’ll get better, but for now-it’s spooky a little bit. It didn’t help that there was the loudest thunderstorm outside my window which pulled me out of a sleeping-pill induced sleep the other night. I was scared to death. lol
I confess… I have a new car. Well, new to me. I bought Josh’s little Fiat 500 since he had to sell it when he moved. It’s a stick shift, so that’s been exhausting for my brain and I killed it like 3 times the other day in the rain. Thank goodness for sport mode.
I confess… I drove my old Civic to school and work once or twice this week. I told myself it was because I need to get it out so people can see the For Sale signs in the window, and because I hadn’t purchased a parking pass for the new car yet-and the old one’s is still good until the 31st… But honestly? It was because I just needed something to be the same. The apartment feels different, my work schedule is different, I’m in new classes, my car is different, and I’m missing my best friend. It didn’t feel better. It didn’t feel the same. I just kept thinking about how I really should have been driving my new car and practicing.
I confess… For now I’ll just keep on keepin’ on. There’s not much else to do but keep moving forward and hope it all starts feeling better. It’s oddly like a breakup-but yet not. We’re friends and we always will be, but man I miss seeing him on a regular basis. I really miss having him around.*Update* I went out Wednesday night and I feel a lot better. It’s still hard sleeping in the apartment all alone, but it gets a little better day by day.