Would You Fight For My Love by Jack White
I heard this song on the radio last week and decided it had to be my Musical Monday choice right away. It’s a great October song because the sound and background vocals have a very spooky and eerie sound about them. The lyrics are great too, honestly. It especially hits me when it says “You have to want to stop being alone.”
Isn’t that the truth? I suck at dating. In fact right now I’m about 90% decided that I’m going to delete all of my online dating profiles and give it some time.
Do I want to be alone? No.
Do I want to stop being alone? No.
I know that doesn’t seem to make sense, but let me try and explain it. I’ve always been very inclined to place “love” and relationships a lot higher in my life than other things like school, work, and personal goals. I’m a sucker for a romantic story line, the idea of being loved, and kisses. That’s just part of my nature.
Over the years I’ve dated a lot, failed a lot, and been hurt a lot. While I’m great at bouncing back and trying again, because it’s very much in my nature to both forgive and love, I find that the older I get the harder it is. Every failed chance or heartbreak seems to add up somewhere deep inside you. As this builds I find it’s harder for me to force myself to date, and it’s even harder for me to actually see possibility when I do. This has been especially true with online dating. Online dating is the worst.
I don’t think you’re supposed to force yourself to date.
Doesn’t the idea of forcing something imply that it’s not natural?
And if it’s not natural is it really something that you want?
I’m not implying that it shouldn’t take work. Everything in life requires a little elbow grease. I’m also not implying that online dating is not natural or a good thing, if you like online dating more power to you. What I’m saying is that for me-I literally have to force myself to log in and check the 6 messages I have waiting, and every time I log in I get another 6 messages after that I have to force myself to log in and check… Weeks later.
Then when I find someone who I kind of like or who sent a good message, I have to force myself to start talking to them-even when I like them. When they ask me out, I have to force myself to accept-even if it sounds like fun. Then when we go on a date I just don’t connect. I don’t know what it is, but none of the dates I’ve gone on in the last year or so really had me feeling any kind of connection-and I don’t think it was entirely the guys I went out with so much as it was me, and knowing I would basically have to force myself to connect. I’ve tried second dates, continued texting, it just doesn’t happen for me right now.
So do I want to be in love? Yes, very much so.
Do I want to make the change it would require? Nope. Not right now.
More to come on this decision later on the blog… I’ll let you know what I decide. For now, what do you think I should do? Delete them? Keep them? Any advice for me?