We were talking about older music the other day and suddenly I had the urge to listen to some TLC. I mean, it’s been years-but back in the day? They were the coolest. Can you believe it’s been 16 years since this album was released. We’re old guys.
So I listened to No Scrubs while packing. I’m sure I replayed it like 50 times and sang along with all the spirit of my Junior High self who used to belt it in my bedroom all those years ago. It was nostalgic, and so much fun.
Then I started thinking about the song-and how so many guys today would (well and probably did back then) accuse the band and the girls who sympathize with the song of being “gold diggers.” I’m sure I even have a few guy friends I’d expect to hear this from. But that’s not at all what it’s about.
Personally, I feel like it’s about not settling for less than what you’re worth. I’ve done it. I’ve dated a lot of guys who couldn’t hold down a job, had no direction, had no car, etc. For some people, those are temporary states of being-they’re jobless while they actively look for a job, or carless until they’ve worked at their job long enough to get a loan, etc. However for a good majority of these guys-that’s just the way they are and they have no plans of changing. Don’t get me wrong, I know there are girls like that too-and if you date girls I’m sure you have run into your fair share of them.
So, after years and years of dating guys who can’t take care of themselves (and being a “giver” I did a lot of taking care of these guys), eventually-at least hopefully eventually-you can’t do it anymore. You start to see them for what they are-takers and users-and you have to remind yourself to not fall for it anymore. Eventually the “no scrubs” motto comes into play, and after years of mistakes and finally learning from them-this song takes on a new level of accuracy.
So no, I don’t want no scrubs (ouch, I know, the grammar hurts). I want a guy who can take care of himself. He doesn’t have to be rich by any means. He doesn’t have to buy me things or take care of me either, but he has to be able to take care of himself. He must have a job and a car (in this state you need a car to get around, our public transport is not the greatest-this is different in places like NYC where you really don’t need a car), and he must be a responsible contributing member of society. There’s just no way around it.
I no longer have the energy to carry someone who refuses to carry themselves. I hope my friends and readers have been able to rise above this too. If you’re dating someone who relies on you for everything and doesn’t contribute-get out. Hold yourself higher, because you deserve someone who loves you and wants to be with you, not who is with you because you’ll pay for them or do everything for them. You’re better than that.