But Baby How Long?

Anyone who knows me knows that patience is not necessarily a virtue I do so well with.  I’m an Aries in almost every sense of the word.  I barrel through life and situations and I don’t take a lot of time to stop and think things through first, I just go-go-go.  Unfortunately this isn’t a method that typically works to well when interacting with others-especially in the dating world. Most people can’t just jump in with both feet and see what will be-they want to think it through first and can’t just throw caution to the wind and see what comes-and there’s nothing wrong with that per say.

This just means that I have to work really hard on my patience with confronted with a situation like this.  It’s a good thing, patience is really something I could stand to have a little bit more of, but it’s a hard thing also.  I spend most of the time while I’m trying to patiently wait wondering “how long?” and agonizing over a resolution.

Last week for my Musical Mondays post I chose a song regarding just that-waiting.  Well it was more like “not waiting” and just meeting back up if it worked out, which is great, but almost harder to do. I chose that song because of my current situation with Yoshi, and explained so in that post as well.  I spoke about how I wasn’t really waiting around, but my state of being seems to be one constantly changing based on how I feel and how our interactions are going.

I spent most of the past week working on my house in order to get it ready (well, ready enough) for my housewarming party, and that meant a lot of physical labor.  Somehow, physical labor with music playing in the background seems to be an extremely productive way for me to work through things in my head, and I’m able to work hard and let my brain kind of do it’s own thing with the issues I’m thinking of.  After many days of this, I came to the conclusion that part of me is, and will still, be waiting-and that I’m okay with that.

Don’t worry, this type of waiting doesn’t mean sitting around and pining for the guy while he gets his shit together.  That’s not me.  What it does mean, is that since he’s given himself and other people in his life a three month max period in which it needs to be handled-I’m giving him that also.  At this point in my life, I have no desire to go out and actively date or to get involved in online dating again.

It’s horrible. I hate it.  I have too much going on to worry about it.

Also, really, three months isn’t that long these days… With the years starting to feel like they’re just flying by, it’ll be November/December before I know it.  So while I am technically single and thus open to the possibility that someone else could come into my life during that time, I’m not going to go out and actively search for it.  Given my track record, it’s unlikely, but you never know.  So for now, I’m waiting.  I had a conversation with Yoshi explaining the same thing, and I told him that he can have that (up to) three months.  If he hasn’t followed through with what he wants to accomplish at that point, I’m going to have to walk away and finally stop waiting, but I’m still holding out hope that things will clear up and we’ll have a chance to give us a real go.

A girl can hope right?  So for the next three months I will do my best to be patient with the whole situation and I promised not bug him too much about it.  I’m still going to check in, and he promised that he’d keep me in the loop and let me know if anything changed either direction, but I am actively choosing this situation knowing full well what it is and I can’t complain.

But I miss him, so at least to myself I’ll be sitting around listening to this song, wondering how long it will be, and hoping that after all is said and done we get to be together. Fingers crossed.

This week’s song:
How Long
by Matchbox Twenty

So many times with you and I, thought it was right but I was wrong, it’s true
And I wouldn’t feel the way I do without a sense of something real for you

It’s all about a good thing
So I don’t mind holding on

But how long are you gonna make me wait?
And how long are you gonna hesitate?
‘Cause I love the way we’re carrying on
But baby how long?

You know the way they always say don’t make it never, it’s better late, well that’s true
But tell me why, my cautious angel, must you put it in my face like you do?

It’s all about a good thing
So I don’t mind holding on

But how long are you gonna make me wait?
And how long are you gonna hesitate?
‘Cause I love the way we’re carrying on

But baby I don’t ever wanna make you feel too rushed
Make you feel like love wouldn’t be enough
Or that it’s just another don’t mean much
Like a high-school crush make you wanna run

Oh can’t you see the way I need you crazy and I want you in my arms every night of my life?

So tell me how long are you gonna make me wait?
Oh how long are you gonna hesitate?
‘Cause I love the way we’re carrying on
But baby how long?

How long? How long? How long?
How long? How long? How long?

Tell me how long

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