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There is always a certain sadness that laces around the edges of the holiday season when you’re alone and don’t want to be. No matter how much time you spend with friends and family, or how excited you are to celebrate each coming holiday, being single during the holidays lingers there in the back of your mind. How nice would it be to spend time with a significant other during this time? Wouldn’t it be lovely to curl up by a warm fire and snuggle with someone that makes your stomach do somersaults and your heart go pitter patter? To sing along to crooner’s Christmas albums with someone that made you feel as warm and cozy on the inside as a steaming mug of cocoa does as you sip it? It would-and knowing it would seems to add a little touch of longing and heartache, even during the happiest of times. At least it does for me.

Unfortunately about 90% of the holidays in my adult life have been celebrated single, and much as I would have liked to have someone there (and still would), I’ve learned to cope. Many of you have followed my dating adventures, and years like this year-where I’m single but still longing for someone, are even harder.

What’s even worse than being single during the holidays while wanting someone, is navigating family events where you inevitably get questions like “Are you seeing someone?” or “When will you be getting married/having kids/settling down” etc… Those are rough, and I feel like just responding with “Did you really just ask that?” or maybe even “Here’s my card, you can read all about it on my blog.” Actually, that second one is a great idea-I’ll have to keep that in mind. Where did I pack away my business cards? Hmmm…

So, I thought I’d pull from my personal experience and offer some tips for those of you who may also be experiencing this situation.

Tips for Enjoying Being Single During the Holidays

Throw a Party

Personally, I’ve heard “you’re not alone, you’ve got me” a hundred times when lamenting the fact that I’m “alone” during the holidays. While it’s very much appreciated that I have the love of friends and family, it’s just not the same. I want one person that is my person, someone just for me, to love me and hold me in front of the Christmas lights.

However, even though it’s not the same, filling my home with friends and family definitely helps. There’s less time to think about how you’d like to be snuggled up in bed with a lover when you’re busy planning, cleaning, decorating, and then celebrating with a few of your favorite people. I threw a party Saturday night, and I’ll have to say I didn’t think about the dude I miss once throughout the party-there was just so much to be distracted with and to enjoy. It was wonderful.

Enjoy Making the Decisions

While it’s nice to have a partner in crime, it’s also nice to just have things be the way you want them to be. You get to choose how the tree is decorated, what food you munch on, which Christmas movie to Netflix, etc. There’s a certain beauty in being able to call all the shots and only focus on what you want and need. Why not enjoy that now? Chances are in the future you’ll meet someone and your holiday with that person will be full of compromise, but for now-you don’t have to budge on a darn thing. It’s all about you baby!

Take Yourself on a Date

If you’re single you’re essentially dating yourself, so why not treat yourself like you’d expect a significant other to treat you? Take yourself out for dinner. I know, it sounds scary doing something like that all for yourself, but there’s something extremely empowering about it too. Not ready to face a restaurant alone? Try a movie, it’s dark and people are focusing on that not you. Even still, if you want to avoid public, take a drive up the canyon to view the city lights from a higher vantage point or go for a walk through the lights at a park. Marvel in how lovely it is to be alive and in a position to love yourself.

Buy Yourself a Holiday Gift

That’s right-splurge on yourself. Is there something you’ve been putting off buying for a little while? It’s time to treat yourself. You’d hope your partner would give you something meaningful, so if you’re your own partner, do it! Go pick up something that makes you feel sexy and alive, like some cute lingerie (hey, all you need is to sit and have a cozy glass of wine in a silk nightie by yourself-it’s a great feeling) or a nice bottle of wine. Buy yourself something to further growth in the upcoming year-maybe an eCourse, a vacation, or some tools to build your blog/business online. Just get something that helps you feel special and empowered.

Skip the Romantic Comedies

Skip the romantic comedies or Lifetime Christmas specials this holiday season and opt for the less lovey holiday films. You don’t need to be watching all that kissing under the mistletoe and thinking about how much you want it-instead opt for some classic holiday movies or movies about strong independent women (or men if you’re a man).

Here are some of my recommendations. A few of them have a bit of romance, but they don’t focus on it.

Heartwarming Christmas Movies:

Funny Christmas Movies:

Scary Christmas Movies:

Bake and Decorate Cookies

Go ahead and make up a batch of delicious holiday cookies and decorate them. Share them with your neighbors and/or friends or eat them all yourself-we won’t judge.

Whatever you do this holiday season, remember that you are awesome and try to enjoy your own company.