Okay folks, I am officially announcing it on the blog-that makes it official official right? I have a boyfriend. A real boyfriend. Not a “I like this guy and we’re seeing each other but he’s not sure he wants to commit so we’re just keeping it casual…” but a BOYFRIEND. A.k.a an attractive fella who buys me flowers, likes me as much as I like him, and checks in on me throughout the day to make sure I know I’m appreciated and missed. It’s kind of spectacular.
You know, I can’t remember a time in the last ten years that I’ve had a relationship where that term was or could be used. Yes, I’ve dated… A lot. However, all of those guys I dated either weren’t longterm, serious, or willing enough to become an actual boyfriend/girlfriend situation. Even the ones that were around for a while were too messed up to claim any kind of commitment… I had a lot of “yeah we’re together, but we’re open/polyamorous/etc.” and thus, we never used the title.
And then, after only 3 dates, while wrapped up together in the comfort of a warm bed he asked me to be his girlfriend. He looked at me in the dark and said “What does this mean? What are we? Are we boyfriend and girlfriend?” It wasn’t a complete shock, we’d already discussed what we were looking for, both of us stating that we wanted a stable committed relationship instead of the long string of duds and heartaches we’d been exposed to previously. I know people who had to go through extreme emotional breakdowns, as they weren’t clear about what they wanted from their relationships. Maybe it’s a human thing to be more casual about relationships. Because there are people who talk to horny strangers to fulfill their sexual desires, and it is clearly casual with no strings attached. As for my relationship, I was confused because we’d only been talking for about two weeks. Wasn’t three dates and a week of dating too short for any kind of real commitment?
How could we just say-hey you’re my boyfriend/girlfriend after knowing each other for so little time? I thought about it for a moment. I’d read articles about how the French date, they just couple up and get to know each other as an exclusive couple. No reason to DTR (define the relationship) and no need for all the drama and struggle that is what we call dating. “No, we’re not in a relationship, we’re just dating.” What even is that? Why do we do it? I hate it.
So why not? Why not take a leap and try something different-nothing I’ve been doing has been working so maybe it’s time to take a new approach to this whole love thing. So I said “yes, I’ll be your girlfriend” and he kissed me and declared that we would absolutely be monogamous. No sharing, no misunderstanding, no wondering what we are to each other… We’re just skipping all of the junk and stress and we’re giving this a real go. A real honest-to-goodness try at something real.
I woke up the next morning in a bit of a state of shock. Yes, it should be no big deal-and it feels easy and good-but I didn’t even know what to do with a boyfriend… I haven’t had a boyfriend in so long and I had started to wonder if I was a little bit broken where commitment was concerned. How do you function in a real relationship? How do you function without worrying and wondering if it’s going anywhere? What do you do when you know he’s just as into you as you are to him?
It’s really kind of messed up that those are even thoughts that crossed my mind. I legitimately have dated so many guys that weren’t at all good for me (some of them were good people, some of them not, but none of them were “healthy” relationships) that I wasn’t even sure how to function in a real partnership. I mean yeah, I’ve always said that I’d make a damn good girlfriend, but when faced with the real opportunity part of me felt a bit flighty. A very small part of me felt the need to run for something familiar…
But I squashed the tiny flicker of fear that popped up from the wreckage that was the damaged parts of my heart and I went for it. I took a leap, he took a leap, and it felt damn good to be all in with someone who was all in with me. It’s nice to start a relationship on an even playing field, knowing that we can move towards a future without having to second guess or stress over it.
Thus, the perpetual single girl that I’ve been my whole life disappeared overnight.
I am somebody’s girlfriend.
Somebody with a big heart, tons of intelligence, and the desire to grow into something lasting and meaningful. I really lucked out with this one I think, and I’m so excited to get to know him better and see what we grow into.
I actually posted on Facebook a status talking about how I didn’t know what to do with a boyfriend. Here were a few of my favorite responses:
“You have to feed and water them regularly or they die.” – Kristina
“So after that point it stops being we’re just having fun together, and when they start going through real shit in their life you wade through it with them, and they wade through it for you too, and if one or the other isn’t willing to get dirty then it probably won’t work but if you can be there in the shit together then you have a chance.” – Andrew
“You start dating. They say let’s be a couple. You lick them to claim them as yours. They give you a class ring. Eventually you leave a toothbrush at their house. Months later you get a smith’s account together and get $0.15 off each gallon of gas.” – Julie
“You might freak out about the Smith’s card. Or you might save that freak out for the Costco membership.” – Megan
“The biggest freak out was the second key to the new car they just bought.” – Jon
“Does anyone? I think we all just fake it until it goes on long enough that things seem set.” – Beth
I’m so sick of that same old love
That shit it tears me up
I’m so sick of that same old love
My body’s had enough
Oooh, that same old love
Oooh, that same old love
I’m so sick of that same old love
Feels like I’ve blown apart
I’m so sick of that same old love
The kind that breaks your heart
Oooh, that same old love
Oooh, that same old love
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