Shakespeare was right when he said that the ‘course of true love never did run smooth’. We see perfect couples in the movies. But in reality, most people encounter bumps in the road. In many cases, you have a disagreement, you make up, and you move on. Here are some of the most common arguments (or reasons why couples argue), and some tips to help you avoid falling out.
Money
Money is the most common cause of disagreements between couples. Are you trying to save a deposit for a new house? Do you struggle to make ends meet every month? Is one partner saving while the other is spending? Do you earn different amounts but contribute the same? There are many scenarios, which may end up in arguments.
How to Avoid/Help the Money Argument
If you do row about money, try and work out a solution together. If you’re saving, work out a monthly budget. Use one salary to save and one to live on. Or make a contribution from each wage packet to your savings account. Set targets, and try and find ways to cut your spending. Swap nights out for evenings in with friends, for example. You don’t have to sacrifice having fun just because you’re saving.
Debt
Debt is a common problem for many couples. If you have debts, it’s wise to try and sort them out as soon as possible. The longer you leave it, the worse the situation becomes. Have you got final demand letters arriving every month? Have you missed payments on a loan or mortgage? Do you have credit or store cards? Enlisting outside help can Resolve some of the issues you may be experiencing. Debts are challenging but finding solutions together can lighten the load. It’s not your responsibility to pay off your partners previous debts but finding solutions with them and supporting them will go a long way.
How to Avoid/Help the Debt Argument
If you owe money to a lot of companies or individuals, one solution may be to try and consolidate your debt. This usually involves taking a loan out and paying off outstanding bills. Once you’ve done this, you pay a single payment each month to cover your loan.
Time
Do you feel like there are never enough hours in the day? Can you remember the last time you made an effort to take your partner out on a date? Do you spend all your time at work, or looking after the kids? More time is something most of us would love to have, but it’s impossible to turn back the clock hands.
How to Avoid/Help the Time Argument
The solution is to manage your time more effectively and to learn to prioritize. Reassess your work-life balance, and try and adapt your routine. If your contracted hours are 9-5 Monday to Friday, you shouldn’t be getting home at 8 pm every night. If you have children, try and get a babysitter once a month or ask friends and family to help out. Every couple needs time together. Even if you just go out for a meal or watch a movie at the cinema, a simple date can make a real difference.
If your partner’s schedule is getting to you, talk to them about it. Do you feel like they put a lot more effort into work than family life? Are you sick of coming second to girls’ nights or evenings with the boys? It’s best to get things out in the open, rather than bottling them up. Explain that you would like to be higher up the priority list, and you’d love to spend more time together. Often, it’s about finding a balance between work, socializing, and being together.
Family
Do you struggle to get on with your mother-in-law, or have you got issues with the way your partner’s family treat them? We all have relatives, and sometimes they can cause disagreements between partners. What you think about your family is different to what others think. You’re naturally defensive of your own flesh and blood. You may be able to make comments about your sister. But if your partner says anything, you’re likely to jump to her defense and take offense.
How to Avoid/Help the Family Argument
The only way to deal with family issues is to try and be as open as possible. Discuss potential problems and try and identify solutions. Do you tend to spend much more time with one side than the other? Are you always arguing about Christmas? It can be tricky to find ways out of difficult situations. But it’s best to tackle them head on, rather than letting them bubble under the surface.
Bringing Up Children
There’s no disputing that life changes when you have children. Before they arrived, you were each other’s top priority. But now there’s a little person who demands all your attention. Many couples struggle to find time for each other when they have kids. But this is not the only issue. Arguing about how to raise children is a common problem for most parents. You may have different ideas about what your kids need, and the best way to bring them up. You may be a lot stricter than your partner, for example. Your child may often go to one of you for support, and this can create a 2 v 1 situation. If you’re on your own, you may suddenly feel isolated.
How to Avoid/Help the Parenting Argument
In reality, there’s no right and wrong answers. Every parent is different and every child unique. You’ll have arguments, but you’ll find that you work best as a team. Try and find a middle ground and discuss any issues that crop up. It’s best to talk about it and deal with it. Once you’ve done this, you can clear the air and move on.
Bad habits
Does it drive you mad when you find wet towels on the bed or dirty bowls on top of the dishwasher? Do you feel like you’re constantly being nagged at home? If so, you’re not alone. In most partnerships, there are disagreements related to bad habits and not doing enough around the house. Perhaps you feel like you do everything. Maybe you feel like you can’t have five minutes peace when you get home from work.
How to Avoid/Help Arguments About Bad Habits
Try and compromise. Make an effort to be tidier and offer to help. In return, lay off the nagging, and try and be a little calmer and more patient.
When Common Arguments Take Over
What happens when arguments are par for the course?
Arguments are part and parcel of every relationship. But what happens when you argue more than you chat? When you spend more time in the dog house than you do making memories and enjoying life together? All couples have disagreements. But if this is all you seem to do, it’s time to take action.
Dealing with Discrepancies
Do you row all the time? Do you cover the same ground over and over again? Do you never really feel like you’ve dealt with the issue? If so, it’s time to put that argument to bed. Say everything you have to say on the matter. Listen to your partner’s point of view. Have a discussion about it, and then draw a line. It’s hard to move forward constantly, but you can’t keep dragging up old news.
Honesty
Honesty is the best policy when it comes to disagreements. If something’s bothering you, get it off your chest and be open. If you can talk about things, you have a much better chance of finding a solution. Make sure you share your views, but also that you listen and give your partner chance to speak.
Don’t Part Angry
It may sound cliche, but never go to sleep on an argument. You’ll both stew on it, struggle to sleep and start the next day thinking about it. Likewise, you should never part on bad terms.
Making Decisions
Sometimes, arguing is good for the soul. It allows you to get things off your chest and clear up any niggling worries. However, it’s not healthy to row all the time. If you’ve got to the point where all you do is fall out, you may have reached a crossroads. In a dream world, every relationship would work. But this is not what happens in real life. Not every couple is destined to be happy together for the rest of their lives. Often, couples make the difficult decision to split up and go their separate ways. Sometimes, it’s better to admit defeat and move on than to continue with a relationship which doesn’t make you happy.
If you have decided to break up, it can take a long time to heal and recover. There’s no time limit, and you should never feel pressured to bounce back and move on. Take your time to work out what went wrong, and process the last few months. When you feel strong enough, work out practical matters. Breaking up often has implications for your finances, and bringing up children. If you’re married, you’ll need to seek advice from a divorce attorney. Your attorney will oversee all the legal proceedings, and offer you advice and guidance throughout the process.
Even the most perfect couples argue from time to time. Most commonly, you’ll have silly arguments about leaving the loo seat up or spending too much on a night out. But sometimes, disagreements can be a sign that all is not right. Work at your relationship, and try and compromise. Be open and honest with each other. Support each other, and try and make things right. If you can’t, and you can’t do anymore, consider your options. Often, broken relationships can’t be mended, and it’s better to end them. It may be heartbreaking, but time is an excellent healer.
What are the most common arguments you see?
