Our 1 Year Anniversary & The Story of Us

March 28, 2017 by Angie Leave a Comment

Friday I celebrated my 1 year anniversary with the kindest, sweetest, and most loving man I’ve ever been with. From here on out, instead of calling him “boyfriend” on the blog, I’m going to refer to him as C. I feel like a year earns you a legitimate name. 😉

We’ve Come A Long Way

Sometimes I can hardly believe I’m the same girl who didn’t know what to do with a boyfriend. I mean, I remember being there… I remember how weird the transition was from years and years of single life to couplehood was… I remember dating, and hating it… But after a year with C I can no longer imagine my life without him.

Our Story

It’s amazing how easy it all came together after we got past some of the initial hurdles. It’s like everything just fell into place when we got together.

How We Met

C and I met on OKCupid-an online dating site that I can now say was officially a success (after many many many fails on it… lol). We texted each other for a week or two prior to meeting since he was in San Francisco for Alternative Spring Break. That’s one of the first things I loved about him-he chose to spend his Spring Break feeding the homeless and helping with their mobile showers.

Our First Date

I’m a big fan of keeping first dates casual, so that Sunday as we were discussing where to meet up I suggested a local coffee shop in the area. That’s when he broke it to me that he didn’t drive and asked if we could meet somewhere close to the train or that he could bike to. At first, this was a huge red flag for me. I’d dated guys who didn’t drive and I wasn’t keen on the idea of playing chauffer or having to carry someone financially again. But after I learned that he doesn’t drive because he was in a car accident and is partially disabled due to a traumatic head injury, I figured I had to give him a chance. We chose to meet up at freaky Dee’s (think ghetto Denny’s) for a bite.

Eating Alone is Awkward

One thing about C is that he’s always early (which wholly contradicts my tendency towards lateness) and on our first date he was over an hour early and he ate without me. So then there I was, thinking about what a weirdo he was, and trying to eat some fries all by myself because he didn’t even want to share with me.

The Worst Kiss Ever

After dinner we did end up venturing over to the coffee shop. We left his bike and I drove us, and after a while talking there we decided to head home. As we were walking out to the car he said “Hey, come here!” and when I did he asked if he could kiss me… I awkwardly said yes, in spite of the fact that I didn’t really feel ready for something like that, and it was awful. Not only was it not something I wanted, but he just shoved his tongue down my throat and slobbered all over my face. I was ready to run. (Sorry babe, that had to go in the story! Haha!)

The Second Date

Our second date came on Primary voting day. I stood in line to cast my vote at the local elementary school and then headed out to meet him at… Wait for it… Denny’s. Noticing a theme? C’s all about those chain diners… lol The second date went much better. I told him I wasn’t ready to be physical and didn’t want a repeat of the kiss, and he respected my boundaries. We sat and talked until late and I found myself actually getting on with him very well.

C and Kat

The Third Date

For the third date I decided to just put him to the test. I was starting to feel for him, but I needed to see how he interacted with my people. That weekend I was babysitting for my friends who were at FanX all day. The goal was to have him over for a little bit before they got home, and then he could meet them and I could get their opinion.

Baby Kat Was Crushing Hard

We all hung out for a little bit together, and then I decided to start cooking dinner. While I cooked, he entertained the 3 year old for me. His patience was endless. He listened to her sing “Let it Go” repeatedly. He played her version of cards (which I still have no idea what rules she was making up), and he let her stick stickers on his face and arms.

Kat became so attached to him that she wouldn’t let me sit next to him. If we were sitting by each other she’d squirm in between us and push us apart. She’d give me dirty looks if I tried to take attention away from her. It was really cute.

My Biological Response

You can imagine the kind of biological trigger that had on me. It was pretty much the way he was with those children that sealed the deal with me. I was watching him play and thinking what a good father he’d make, and bam-I realized definitely wanted kids and I really wanted to give him and I chance to be that together.

An Accidental Forever Sleepover

We had a bit of an accident that night, which we don’t really want to talk about just yet, but it involved me patching up his wounds and him deciding to stay the night so he didn’t have to take the train home. The next day I drove him home before heading to my grandparents’ house for Easter, and then that night I picked him back up and took him home with me. He basically never left again… He started spending every night at my house. Even when he wasn’t around during the day, he’d swing by to check on the dog and let him out while I worked. He moved in with me in July, and that was it-we were officially living together.

Everyone Loved Him

Everyone seemed to love him, and he loved everyone. My friends and family took to him pretty quick, and in spite of a few hurdles we had to get past with history and a little of his past drama (ex wives, legal stuff, etc.) everyone was extremely supportive. They knew what was good for me, and it was C

This Past Year

In the past year we’ve experienced quite a bit together. Here are a few highlights:

Our First Family Photo

We took our first family photos less than a month into our relationship. I know, that’s weird, but it just kind of worked out so that he could take part in my thirtieth birthday photo shoot.

At the Panic! At the Disco Concert

At the Panic! At the Disco & Wheezer Concert Concert

At the Panic! At the Disco Concert

At the Panic! At the Disco & Wheezer Concert Concert

Volunteering at Pride 2016

Volunteering at the 2016 Utah Pride Festival.

July Updates: Ortie's Baby Shower Chris and Angie

Hanging out at Ortie’s baby shower.

Ortie's Baby Shower

The gang at Ortie’s baby shower.

Halloween All Year Long

I joked that I knew he was my soulmate because he wore this in August.

Holding Elyan

C and Bub

Best friends…

Out to dinner for our six month anniversary

Out to dinner for our six month anniversary.

True Love.

Happy anniversary babe!

Here’s to many more years together. I love you.

Angie

Angie is a coffee-fueled writer, artist-wanna-be, and over-worker who currently resides in a tiny fixer-upper near Salt Lake City with her boyfriend and 70lb rescue pittie. She works full time in Customer Service/Computers, part-time in retail and fashion, goes to school part-time on and off, maintains this and another couple of blogs, as well as volunteers with rescue dogs. In her free time, what little of it there is, she likes to read, play nerd games, craft and create art, and spend time with all of the awesome people in her life.

http://www.mysocalledchaos.com

How to Handle Conflicts Without Ruining Your Relationship (+ FREE Rules for Respect Printable!)

March 20, 2017 by Angie Leave a Comment

If you’ve ever interacted with another human being you’ll know that conflict is a natural occurrence between people. Goodness, have you opened Facebook lately? Facebook feeds are pretty much all conflict most of the time, and that’s often between people who don’t see each other much. Suffice it to say, when you live very closely with someone, be it a spouse or just a live-in partner of some sort, the chances of having to handle conflicts occur regularly goes up significantly.

Preparing Yourself to Handle Conflicts

The first thing you’ll want to do is be prepared for when conflicts or arguments arise. Don’t sit and stress about it or worry so much that you end up causing it to happen, but definitely be ready for when a conflict comes up.

Accept That Arguments Will Happen

Conflicts and disagreements will happen, and there’s just not a way around it. Relationships aren’t all love and unicorns, and accepting the fact that you will most likely argue at some point is logical and healthy. There’s just no way you can spend your life together, with all of your differences in thinking and living, without experiencing fights once in a while. Some arguments are more common than others, some are bigger and more important, and some are probably kind of petty. In any case, the truth is that sometimes you’ll have to handle conflicts, and you’ll want to do so without ruining your relationship.

Have a Conflict Plan

This seems weird, having a plan for what happens when you argue or when a conflict arises. Who wants to plan for that? However, being well prepared and on the same page for the inevitable can seriously improve your chances of having a productive result. Make sure you work together to make a plan when you’re in a good place to ensure that you can continue working together when you eventually hit a rough patch.

So how do you set a conflict plan? Here are some things to consider:

Talk About Experience with Past Conflicts

How do you both handle conflicts? Sit down with your partner and talk about some memorable past conflicts and how you handled them. Did it get ugly? How did you react vs how did the other person react? How did you feel about both of those reactions? If you both understand how the other person handles those situations, you can help adjust your actions and reactions to make it easier on the both of you.

Talk About How You’d Like to Handle Conflicts

Taking into account all of your past experiences and your tendency for how you handle conflicts on the regular, now talk about how you’d like to handle conflicts going forward. Discuss how you’d like the other person to handle conflicts with you. Find out how you react, and what methods you can use to work with each other better in those situations.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year now (wow!) and at the beginning, if we’d have a conflict or a small disagreement, his first instinct was to leave. He’d decide that he was going to go upstairs to the couch or just head back to his place instead of staying the night. This was distressing to me, as I felt like it was him abandoning me when I wanted to stay and work it out. When I expressed my feelings, and we mutually decided never to abandon each other in a fight, it made conflict situations more agreeable and set the precedence that we resolve our issues face to face and don’t run away from or bottle up our issues.

Consider Setting Argument Rules

Another example I have is that of two good friends I have. They’ve been married for many years, and their relationship is pretty solid, but that doesn’t mean they don’t occasionally have a fight that shakes the foundation a little. When they realized they didn’t like the way their arguing made them feel they sat down and physically wrote out a list of rules. These rules included things like “No name calling”, “no running away and leaving the other parent with all the kids” (which included an addendum that if they needed space to cool off they had to take half the children with them for it), and other useful things.

Try Your Best to Follow the Rules

There’s definitely going to be times you don’t follow the rules 100%, slip-ups occur when you’re upset, but having a set of clearly defined and agreed-upon rules can really help keep a situation calmer. Do your best to follow the rules and remember them, the simple act of stopping to remember the rules could cool you off significantly and be a bigger benefit to the conversation. If a rule gets broken, the other person can bring that up and you can use it as a way to possibly put the argument on pause the argument until the rules can be followed again.

Conflict Rules Printable (Free!)

I put together a “Rules for Respect Printable” that’s free for you to download. It’s a standard letter size, so you can print it off on regular printer paper or whatever you prefer. The idea is to print it out, and sit down with your significant other to set some rules to follow to maintain the love and respect when arguing/figuring out conflict.

Click on the above preview to open the larger file for download/saving.

Working Towards Effective Resolution

Okay, so now that we’ve discussed how to properly set yourself up for effective communication during an argument, let’s talk about how to continue on towards resolution. There’s no use arguing if it isn’t going to get you anywhere, or you’re just going to keep having the same argument because you can’t ever find a landing place.

Be Honest but Not Mean

Honesty is the best policy when it comes to disagreements. If something’s bothering you, get it off your chest and be open about your thoughts and feelings regarding the situation. Make sure you’re speaking what is actually the factual truth, and not something that is intended to return the hurt you’re feeling or be mean. If you just lash out because you’re angry, you’re more likely to push them away, and you’ll probably find that your argument has the opposite effect of what you were hoping for by bringing things up in the first place.

Use I-Statements or Feeling Statements

If we take a trip back to our college or high school psychology and interpersonal development classes, we’ll recall that using feeling-statements (or I-statements) to express things can make a world of difference when it comes to proper communication. These statements put the responsibility of your point of view on you (thus starting with “I”), instead of making you sound accusatory or as if you blame them for everything you are feeling.

Examples of You-Statements

As an example, let’s consider that you’re upset with your partner for being out too much with their friends and you wish they’d give you more of their time.

“You don’t even care to spend enough time for me! You’re always just out with your friends instead!”
“You must not care about me as much as you care about them…”
“You don’t make me a priority.”

Why These You-Statements are Bad

These statements immediately put the burden of your feelings about the situation on your partner. When you use a you-statement, it can easily put your partner right into a defensive mode instead of putting them in a place where they want to help resolve the problem. You want your partner to be open to hearing what you have to say, not actively trying to rebut everything you are bringing up.

They May Not Be Accurate

Take a moment to consider that what you’re accusing your partner of might be wrong. These you-statements imply that your partner knows and is willfully hurting you with their actions. Could that be the case? Yes. Is it likely the case? Probably not. Most of the time when you hurt someone you love it is due to lack of thoughtfulness, not malice. It’s believable that your partner may just not even realize what they’re doing/have done.

Examples of I-Statements

Instead of the bad examples listed above, consider these I-Statements instead:

“I feel like you spend more time with your friends than with me.”
“I worry that you don’t have enough time for me.”
“I’m concerned that we’re not spending enough time building our relationship.”

Why These are Good

We are all responsible for our own feelings, and this puts the weight of those feelings where they belong; ourselves. These statements also show that you acknowledge that the situation as you see it may not be how it really is, but also addresses how you feel about it while allowing you to express yourself. These statements are more likely to put your partner in a place where they want to work together to help how you feel, instead of feeling like they need to defend themselves.

Take a Minute

If you need a minute to calm down before having a discussion-take it. It’s better to come at a conversation with a clear head and a calm attitude than to reach out rashly in anger and say something you’ll regret.

Don’t Run Away

While taking a minute may be necessary, you can’t just run away from an argument and expect it to go away. When one partner disappears on the other, the one left behind just sits and seethes and nothing is resolved. In this case, if you really need a moment, you need to tell your partner honestly that you need that time before taking it. That way you’re both well prepared, and understand that you will come back with the intention of resolving it when you are in a better state of mind.

Don’t Go to Bed Angry

It may sound cliche, but never go to sleep on an argument. You’ll both stew on it, struggle to sleep and start the next day thinking about it. Likewise, you should never part on bad terms. Try to resolve any big conflicts or issues before going to bed, leaving for work, or spending too much time apart. It’s not only better for the relationship, but better for your overall health and wellbeing as well.

Accept Your Role in the Conflict and Apologize

This one can be hard for some people, but not only should you take responsibility for your feelings (using those I-statements) but you should accept responsiblity for your actions too. There is likely some part you’ve played in either what caused the conflict, or in how it is being handled, and it may not be all good. Take time to look at it from your partner’s perspective and own up to anything you could have done better. Making the appropriate apologies can go a long way in not only repairing any damage done, but getting your partner to do the same.

Make-Up

Once you’ve handled the conflict and found a resolution, it’s nice to take a moment to make up. Whether it’s just a few minutes spent cuddling, or it’s planning a date night where you can reconnect, it’s good to do something that helps you reconnect and remember why you love each other.

My boyfriend and I like to take a moment to stop and tell each other all of the things we love and appreciate about one another While we do this on a regular basis, we do it a little bit extra following a disagreement because it reaffirms that not only do we still love each other, we actually love each other a little more for working through it together.

How do you handle conflicts?

Angie

http://www.mysocalledchaos.com

Divorce With Children: How To Help Your Kids Cope

December 12, 2016 by Angie Leave a Comment

A while back, I wrote a post about trying to handle a divorce in the best possible way-and in it, I mentioned how it was so important to ensure that any children from the relationship remained unscathed. I thought it was worth looking into that a little further today. Children can find their parent’s separation incredibly hard. The two people they have known all their life are going their separate ways and things will never be the same again.

It’s no surprise that many kids who have seen their folks split up go onto have problems develop further on down the line – sometimes much later on in life. But there are some ways of making the transition much easier on them – and I’m going to take a look at them with you today.

You may not think I’m entirely qualified to write about this, since I’m neither a mother or a divorcee, but I have actually been through a couple of divorces. No, not my own or even my parents (32 years next month, way to go mom and dad!), but I have dated men who were going through divorces and who were also dads. Not only have I dated these men, but I have actually acted as a step-parent to children, and co-parented with both my partner at the time, and his ex.

Hire a Lawyer

Unless you are very lucky, your divorce will be an incredibly messy business. There will be acrimony, accusation, and negotiation – all of which can take its toll. To clarify things and make it simpler for everyone – including your kids – you have to hire a divorce attorney.

Set Legal Boundaries & Direction

Even if your relationship with your ex is an OK place (or at least appears to be) it’s always best to draw a legal line in the sand. Divorce lawyers have been well-trained on everything that needs to happen, so everyone will know what is expected from whom, what steps to take and how to take them, and what to be prepared for. This will help ensure your kids can start getting used to their new life as soon as possible.

Be Prepared and Protected

Even if things seem friendly with your ex, everyone is human and emotions can change quickly, so you both need to be prepared and protected in case things turn south all of a sudden. A divorce is the death of a relationship, and we tend to go through the stages of grief even as we grieve something we know had to happen. This means, as a person works their way through the stages, their anger may be delayed-and when it comes about the result may not be pretty.

People don’t think straight when their angry, and when people are hurt they tend to lash out and hurt others. If you’re the source of that hurt, they may lash out at you, and some of the ways they try to hurt you will be through legal channels. It’s best to have a lawyer on your side in case this happens-hope for the best, but plan for the worst.

Put the Children First

Divorce is difficult enough already, as you split up assets and deal with hurt and resentment, but when you add children to the mix, it can be even more difficult. You not only have to figure out custody (or maybe even fight for it), but you have to actively think about how it’s all effecting them. It can be tough for parents to focus on anything other than the divorce. But it is critical that your children are firmly in your thoughts, because they will need you more than ever right now-and for several different reasons.

Honest Communication

It is so important not to shut your children out of the picture-even if you think they are too young to understand. Make a plan with your ex-partner to work together on open communication, not only with yourself, but with the kids as well. Never be dishonest, tell them you love them often and don’t hide from the fact that their future will be different.

Explain the Circumstances

Beating around the bush too much will lead to confusion, anger, and hope where there is none. It’s not fair, so be truthful and keep your communication going through the process. In most cases, they’ve seen the fighting or arguing, and they also want it to stop-they need to know what the end goal is, and why this is the best for everyone involved.

Make Assurances (& Plan to Keep Them)

First of all, they need to know that both of you are going to stay in their life. For any child going through a divorce, they’ve grown up with both parents home and now they have to adjust to an entirely different way of life. Change is hard for anyone, but someone who is young and has not yet experienced a whole lot of change is going to have a much harder time with it.

Listening

Don’t forget that communication is a two-way street. Your kids will want to talk to you about how they are feeling, and it is critical that you both listen. Let them express their feelings, and help them find the words if they don’t know what they are experiencing. Make sure you clear up any of their misunderstandings – perhaps your child feels like they are responsible in some way. Be patient, let them talk, and never leave them feeling like you haven’t listened. In the long-term, these simple acts would help your child deal with your divorce in a much more stable way.

Don’t Put Your Issues on the Children

It is important to remember that you are your children’s emotional support, not the other way around. Don’t use your children as your emotional support, mini therapists, or think of them as a friend you can vent to about all of everything that is happening. Yes, it’s important that they know how you’re feeling and see you experience and handle emotion so they can learn how to do so themselves, but you should not put the weight or responsibilities of it all on your children. They don’t need to know if you’re jealous when they spend time with your ex-partner either-it’ll only put guilt on them that they don’t deserve, for something that’s important to them.

Your Relationship vs. Their Relationship

When you decided to have children with this other person, you made a commitment to have that person in your life and to raise those children together no matter what happens. If your romantic relationship with this other person ends, you’ll still have these little people tying you together for the rest of your lives, so this person will always be someone that you have to have some sort of “relationship” with.

Just because your relationship with that person changes, it does not mean that their relationship with the children does. As long as there has been no abuse or mistreatment of the kids from either parent, it is important to remember that essential for kids to maintain healthy relationships with both of their parents, no matter how hurt or angry you may be.

Watch Your Words

Not only do you have to be open and communicative with everyone involved, but you have to be very careful with what you say-not only when talking to them, but when they’re around. Children are impressionable, and words can hurt; children don’t need to overhear you telling someone else negative things about their beloved parent-someone they look up to and trust. Never bad-mouth the other parent to or around your children, no matter how angry you are or how much you may actually blame them-even if they do deserve blame for any actions they may have taken.

Be Encouraging

Not only do you need to watch that you don’t put a negative impression on your children regarding the other parent, you should also be trying your best to leave a positive one. Encourage your children to have a healthy relationship with both of you by actively reminding them how loved they are by both of their parents, and by making sure they get quality time with each.

Make Interactions with Your Ex Positive

You don’t need to be friends with your ex-spouse, but you do need to be polite and set a good example for the little ones who are watching you. Even if you’re only speaking to arrange things regarding your offspring, or only seeing each other at pick ups/drop offs, you can set a good example by being polite and mature. Don’t fight in front of them, don’t make little digs or insult them, just be calm and collected and handle it like an adult. In addition, don’t use your child as a messenger or a pawn against your ex. They don’t need to pass messages that you can relay in an email/text, and they don’t need to feel like they’re hurting either of you by doing what they’re asked.

Why This is All So Important

I saw first-hand how their actions affected the children, and the results that inevitably came about in the lives of all of those involved. I’ve seen wonderful and well-behaved children revert back in their development, become increasingly emotional/clingy, act out in big and small ways, fall behind in school, and become isolated from their friends and family. It can be emotionally and psychologically devastating on children to handle a divorce situation if it is handled badly.

On the other hand, if this situation is handled with respect and dignity, it can teach children so much and prepare them for the world outside and their own inevitable relationship ups and downs. Remember, these are little human beings that you are responsible for raising, teaching, and turning out into the world as productive members of society. Children learn of who they are from watching your actions, so let your actions speak.

The way you handle the divorce and co-parenting with your ex can shape the way they interact with people and how they go forward in the world. It’s a heavy burden, parenting, but it’s one that is also rewarding. It’ll be hard, but you can do it.

Have you dealt with divorce and children?

Share your experiences in the comments so other parents can learn!

This post may contain an affiliate link. Thanks so much for supporting my blog!

Angie

http://www.mysocalledchaos.com

Nice Things You Can Do For Your Partner to Strengthen Your Bond

October 14, 2016 by Angie Leave a Comment

Living with your partner, whether you’re married or not, or have a family or not, can definitely bring it’s own challenge when it comes to maintaining a close bond. You both have your own lives, interests, and hobbies. There are jobs to go to, bills to pay, errands to run, and a million things to do. With or without kids in your life, it’s easy to get caught up in the mundane day-to-day and not take time to strengthen your bond with each other. However, if you have kids it’s easy to allow the children to become the be all and end all of your life. While they, and other responsibilities are important, it’s vital to spend time on your relationship too. Read on for some fresh suggestion of what you can do for each other to help forge and strengthen your bond.

Read The Same Book

An excellent way to forge a connection between a couple is to start your own mini book club. The idea is that if you read the same book, you will have something exciting and meaningful to talk about each night. Whether it’s over the dinner table, once you put the kids to bed, or just as you’re winding down the day together; a little conversation can go a long way.

While you might be lucky and have similar tastes in literature. Other couples may need a bit more help from the bestseller list to choose something that will appeal to both of them. Aim for a fiction read and try and stay away from parenting books as you want this to be about the two of you and not the kids.

Strengthen Your Bond AND Personal Hygiene

Something else that you can do to forge physical intimacy between a couple is to help them out with a beauty or grooming job. It is intimate as you are in their personal space. It also fosters trust, as you are doing something for them that they would usually do themselves. Ask your partner to paint your toenails for you, help your partner with their hair, or you could give your man a luxurious hot towel shave.

Give Your Partner a Massage

Along the same line is a massage. We often think these have a sensual connotation, and they can do, but it can also be a beautiful act of service for someone that is tired out or stressed. Around my house, my hands ache from typing all day and my feet and ache terribly if I have to work a shift at my second job where I am on my feet. The Boyfriend takes care to rub my wrists in the evenings, and on special occasions I get a foot rub. It’s never a very long massage, but it goes a long way.

Relaxing the muscles is a good way to get the body and mind to relax, which everyone needs to do from time to time when they have kids! You can even buy some massage oil or hot stones to enhance the experience.

Help Out Around the House

Something else that you can do to show your spouse you love them is to give them a hand with that job they want to be done. Okay, so it’s not the most romantic of evenings, but getting the wardrobe cleared out or the garden spruced up today will help them to be more relaxed and it will benefit you both. They also get to see that what they want is important to you, which is never a bad thing.

Date Night

Something else that is a good idea is a regular set date nights. Even if you see each other on a regular basis, setting aside time that is just for the two of you is always a good idea. The Boyfriend and I recently decided to a date night on a weekly basis, and we take turns paying for it. The idea is to spend time together that is specifically devoted to each other. Not on our phones, not catching up on emails, and not over-stressing about other things in our lives.

If you have kids, get friends or grandparents to babysit and treat yourself to a nice meal and movie once a month without the littles. It’ll go a long way to help strengthen your bond, and it’ll keep you much more sane!

How do you strengthen your bond?

This can help you keep sight of the relationship and how it was before the kids came along. Which is necessary for your happiness, and actually that of the kid’s. Remember happy parents means happy kids for the most part so everybody wins.

This post may contain an affiliate link or two. Thanks so much for supporting my blog!

Angie

http://www.mysocalledchaos.com

Common Arguments Between Couples & How To Deal With Them

September 12, 2016 by Angie 6 Comments

Shakespeare was right when he said that the ‘course of true love never did run smooth’. We see perfect couples in the movies. But in reality, most people encounter bumps in the road. In many cases, you have a disagreement, you make up, and you move on. Here are some of the most common arguments (or reasons why couples argue), and some tips to help you avoid falling out.

Money

Money is the most common cause of disagreements between couples. Are you trying to save a deposit for a new house? Do you struggle to make ends meet every month? Is one partner saving while the other is spending? Do you earn different amounts but contribute the same? There are many scenarios, which may end up in arguments.

How to Avoid/Help the Money Argument

If you do row about money, try and work out a solution together. If you’re saving, work out a monthly budget. Use one salary to save and one to live on. Or make a contribution from each wage packet to your savings account. Set targets, and try and find ways to cut your spending. Swap nights out for evenings in with friends, for example. You don’t have to sacrifice having fun just because you’re saving.

Debt and money are among the most common reasons couples fight…

TWEET IT

Debt

Debt is a common problem for many couples. If you have debts, it’s wise to try and sort them out as soon as possible. The longer you leave it, the worse the situation becomes. Have you got final demand letters arriving every month? Have you missed payments on a loan or mortgage? Do you have credit or store cards?

How to Avoid/Help the Debt Argument

If you owe money to a lot of companies or individuals, one solution may be to try and consolidate your debt. This usually involves taking a loan out and paying off outstanding bills. Once you’ve done this, you pay a single payment each month to cover your loan.

Time

Do you feel like there are never enough hours in the day? Can you remember the last time you made an effort to take your partner out on a date? Do you spend all your time at work, or looking after the kids? More time is something most of us would love to have, but it’s impossible to turn back the clock hands.

How to Avoid/Help the Time Argument

The solution is to manage your time more effectively and to learn to prioritize. Reassess your work-life balance, and try and adapt your routine. If your contracted hours are 9-5 Monday to Friday, you shouldn’t be getting home at 8 pm every night. If you have children, try and get a babysitter once a month or ask friends and family to help out. Every couple needs time together. Even if you just go out for a meal or watch a movie at the cinema, a simple date can make a real difference.

If your partner’s schedule is getting to you, talk to them about it. Do you feel like they put a lot more effort into work than family life? Are you sick of coming second to girls’ nights or evenings with the boys? It’s best to get things out in the open, rather than bottling them up. Explain that you would like to be higher up the priority list, and you’d love to spend more time together. Often, it’s about finding a balance between work, socializing, and being together.

Family

Do you struggle to get on with your mother-in-law, or have you got issues with the way your partner’s family treat them? We all have relatives, and sometimes they can cause disagreements between partners. What you think about your family is different to what others think. You’re naturally defensive of your own flesh and blood. You may be able to make comments about your sister. But if your partner says anything, you’re likely to jump to her defense and take offense.

How to Avoid/Help the Family Argument

The only way to deal with family issues is to try and be as open as possible. Discuss potential problems and try and identify solutions. Do you tend to spend much more time with one side than the other? Are you always arguing about Christmas? It can be tricky to find ways out of difficult situations. But it’s best to tackle them head on, rather than letting them bubble under the surface.

Parenting is a common factor in arguments between couples. Work with your partner…

TWEET IT

Bringing Up Children

There’s no disputing that life changes when you have children. Before they arrived, you were each other’s top priority. But now there’s a little person who demands all your attention. Many couples struggle to find time for each other when they have kids. But this is not the only issue. Arguing about how to raise children is a common problem for most parents. You may have different ideas about what your kids need, and the best way to bring them up. You may be a lot stricter than your partner, for example. Your child may often go to one of you for support, and this can create a 2 v 1 situation. If you’re on your own, you may suddenly feel isolated.

How to Avoid/Help the Parenting Argument

In reality, there’s no right and wrong answers. Every parent is different and every child unique. You’ll have arguments, but you’ll find that you work best as a team. Try and find a middle ground and discuss any issues that crop up. It’s best to talk about it and deal with it. Once you’ve done this, you can clear the air and move on.

Bad habits

Does it drive you mad when you find wet towels on the bed or dirty bowls on top of the dishwasher? Do you feel like you’re constantly being nagged at home? If so, you’re not alone. In most partnerships, there are disagreements related to bad habits and not doing enough around the house. Perhaps you feel like you do everything. Maybe you feel like you can’t have five minutes peace when you get home from work.

How to Avoid/Help Arguments About Bad Habits

Try and compromise. Make an effort to be tidier and offer to help. In return, lay off the nagging, and try and be a little calmer and more patient.

Do you and your partner argue often? Here are some of the most common fights, and some resolutions!

TWEET IT

When Common Arguments Take Over

What happens when arguments are par for the course?

Arguments are part and parcel of every relationship. But what happens when you argue more than you chat? When you spend more time in the dog house than you do making memories and enjoying life together? All couples have disagreements. But if this is all you seem to do, it’s time to take action.

Dealing with Discrepancies

Do you row all the time? Do you cover the same ground over and over again? Do you never really feel like you’ve dealt with the issue? If so, it’s time to put that argument to bed. Say everything you have to say on the matter. Listen to your partner’s point of view. Have a discussion about it, and then draw a line. It’s hard to move forward constantly, but you can’t keep dragging up old news.

Honesty

Honesty is the best policy when it comes to disagreements. If something’s bothering you, get it off your chest and be open. If you can talk about things, you have a much better chance of finding a solution. Make sure you share your views, but also that you listen and give your partner chance to speak.

Honesty is the best policy when dealing with conflicts in your relationship.

TWEET IT

Don’t Part Angry

It may sound cliche, but never go to sleep on an argument. You’ll both stew on it, struggle to sleep and start the next day thinking about it. Likewise, you should never part on bad terms.

Making Decisions

Sometimes, arguing is good for the soul. It allows you to get things off your chest and clear up any niggling worries. However, it’s not healthy to row all the time. If you’ve got to the point where all you do is fall out, you may have reached a crossroads. In a dream world, every relationship would work. But this is not what happens in real life. Not every couple is destined to be happy together for the rest of their lives. Often, couples make the difficult decision to split up and go their separate ways. Sometimes, it’s better to admit defeat and move on than to continue with a relationship which doesn’t make you happy.

If you have decided to break up, it can take a long time to heal and recover. There’s no time limit, and you should never feel pressured to bounce back and move on. Take your time to work out what went wrong, and process the last few months. When you feel strong enough, work out practical matters. Breaking up often has implications for your finances, and bringing up children. If you’re married, you’ll need to seek advice from a divorce attorney. Your attorney will oversee all the legal proceedings, and offer you advice and guidance throughout the process.

Even the most perfect couples argue from time to time. Most commonly, you’ll have silly arguments about leaving the loo seat up or spending too much on a night out. But sometimes, disagreements can be a sign that all is not right. Work at your relationship, and try and compromise. Be open and honest with each other. Support each other, and try and make things right. If you can’t, and you can’t do anymore, consider your options. Often, broken relationships can’t be mended, and it’s better to end them. It may be heartbreaking, but time is an excellent healer.

What are the most common arguments you see?

This post contains a few affiliate links. Thanks so much for supporting my blog and reading!

Angie

http://www.mysocalledchaos.com

Finding The One: Dating Tips That Actually Work

September 5, 2016 by Angie 13 Comments

Have you been single for a while? Are you waiting for a knight in shining armor or a damsel in distress? Have you been through a breakup and emerged the other side? If so, the prospect of dating can be daunting. If you haven’t been on a date for years, you may wonder how on earth you’re going to muddle through. Don’t panic. It’s perfectly natural to be nervous about any first date. These dating tips will hopefully help you to navigate your way through the stormy seas of dating and find the perfect partner.

Meeting New People

Are you working all hours of the day? Do you hang out with the same people all the time? Are you finding it tough to meet new people? If so, it’s time to try a different tact. Online dating is a very popular means of expanding your social circle these days. If you’re new to it, it can seem like a minefield. There are hundreds of dating sites around, and many people have reservations about this kind of dating. The reality is that Internet dating can be hugely successful. But there are pitfalls. If you’re setting up an online profile, never give out personal information. By all means, describe yourself and add a photograph. But never include your address, phone number or bank details. If you get on with somebody, and you want to exchange numbers, you can do this via private messages. Check the privacy settings on your profile. Filter your results to ensure that anyone you connect with is a suitable match.

Safety is so important when meeting new people-especially in online dating!

TWEET IT

If you want to meet somebody in person who you’ve been chatting to online, make sure friends and family know where you are. Choose a public place to meet, and carry your phone with you. Make sure you have a lift home sorted if you are going for a drink. You may think that you know the person really well, but you can never be too careful.

Internet dating is not the only way of meeting new people. Ask friends or colleagues to arrange dates with their single friends, or take up a new hobby. Learn another language or try your hand at baking, dancing, or quizzing. The more people you meet, the higher the chance of finding the one.

Choosing a Location for the First Date

First dates are a unique experience. Most of us have tales of dream dates and disasters along the way. When it comes to choosing a location for your date, try and go for something fun. Think about mutual interests and passions. Do you like art or cinema? Are you both into gaming? Are you intrepid adventurers who love an adrenaline rush? Do you enjoy cooking or have a penchant for fine wines? Try and choose a setting, which makes you both feel comfortable. Dinner dates are a very popular choice, but they’re not for everyone. At a fancy restaurant, you may not feel like you can relax and be yourself. If this is the case, opt for something like a trip to zoo or research theme parks in the area. Take a picnic to the park or go for a bike ride. You don’t have to go all-out to impress on a first date. Often, the simplest ideas are the best. If you’re going for a drink, go steady. It’s tempting to have a little too much if you feel nervous. Pace yourself and if you feel a little tipsy, order a soft drink.

Getting Ready

If you’re getting ready for a first date, you’re probably experiencing a mixture of nerves and excitement. If you’re in a hurry to get somewhere after finishing work, try and plan an outfit in advance. Think about what you want to wear and what kind of ensemble is suitable for the date. If you’re going to the beach or the climbing wall, you don’t want to be dressed up to the nines. Go for something, which makes you feel both comfortable and confident. If you’re not happy with what you’re wearing, this will affect your mood. Keep things casual for an informal date. If you’re going to the theater or you’re having drinks at a bar, you can go for something a little more formal. Make an effort with your hair, and have a shower so that you smell clean and fresh.

Good personal hygiene can make all the difference when it comes to dating…

TWEET IT

Most people get anxious when they’re making their way to a date. Try and stay calm. Breathe deeply and give yourself plenty of time to get to your destination.

What Happens Next?

What happens next will depend on how your date went, and what you think of the other person. Sometimes, you may hit it off with a date and feel like you’ve known them for ages. In other cases, you may know within seconds that you’re not a perfect match. Love at first sight is not a given. Most of the time, it takes a few dates to really get to know somebody and determine whether there could be some kind of future. Take things slowly. There’s no rush. Often, nerves can get the better of us on a first date, and we don’t show off our true personalities until we feel more comfortable around others. If you are interested in a second date, try and gauge if the other person is keen. If they’re not, try not to despair. You may have to ensure some disappointing dates to find a match. Don’t panic and stay positive. You’ll probably find somebody when you’re least expecting it.

Looking for “the one”? These tips for dating should help…

TWEET IT

Most of us dream of settling down. Sadly, in most cases, it’s not as simple as a dream date walking through the door. If you’re struggling to find an ideal match, try and increase the size of your social circle. Hang out with different groups of friends, and take up new hobbies. It may also be worth trying online dating, especially if you have a hectic schedule. Once you’ve got a date lined up, think carefully about locations. Go for something laid-back and chilled out if you’re feeling anxious. Take your time to get ready, and plan what you’re going to wear in advance. Keep calm, and enjoy yourself. Relax, have fun and be confident.

What are your best dating tips?

This post contains some affiliate links. Thanks so much for taking the time to read and support.

Angie

http://www.mysocalledchaos.com

How To Deal With Divorce Like An Adult

July 22, 2016 by Angie 2 Comments

Ahh, the dreaded ‘D’ word: Divorce. It’s something no married couple wants to think about. Sadly, it is a reality that thousands of couples face each year.

If yours ever reaches the breaking point, it can be very tempting to act a little childish to make life a little less easy for your former lover. However, you must resist. Acting in a mature manner will ensure the process is smoother for both parties. What’s the point of bringing more pain to your world anyway?

Handling Divorce

Follow these simple tips and you’ll be able to start the next chapter of your life in a far better position.

Make Your Decision

Wanting a divorce is not a decision that should be taken lightly. It might not be possible to save your marriage, but you should at least be willing to discuss the situation first.

Modern life is very stressful. Financial worries, work commitments, and other elements can all cause a negative impact. Taking a holiday or making a conscious change of habit could be the key to keeping your relationship together.

Again, some couples are beyond saving. However, you committed to this person for good reason. Don’t just throw the towel in without being sure. Regretting the decision is the last thing you need.

Making the decision to end your marriage is a tough one, but sometimes necessary…

TWEET IT

Make The Transition

Coming to that decision is one thing. Putting it into practice is another altogether. The legal process of a divorce may take time to complete. But that doesn’t mean you should put the brakes on living a life apart.

The hardest challenge is when you have kids. Telling the children about the divorce is a difficult situation for any couple. The key here is to maintain a united front and assure them that it’s not their fault. Most importantly, they need to know both parents will still be there for them.

Whether kids are involved or not, living apart ASAP is key. The longer you leave it, the harder it’ll get.

Remove The Financial Sting

Divorce will change your world in multiple ways. However, the financial shift is the one you cannot stop yourself from fearing. Reduced household income is going to impact your life. Meanwhile, you’ll also need to rebuild a home following the distribution of your possessions.

It’s a difficult situation at the best of times, so don’t make it any harder. Reaching an agreement without going through the tedious legal process is beneficial for both parties. To be truthful, bickering over those items is only going to stop you moving on anyway.

Reducing the impact of those financial difficulties will improve the situation in other aspects too. Do not underestimate its importance.

Moving on with your life after a breakup is hard, but can be so much better…

TWEET IT

Move On

It might be a while before you fall in love again. That’s fine. Likewise, you might need some time to mourn the loss of your relationship. Don’t let it ruin your life, though.

After all, you’ve broken up for a reason. Use this time to reconnect with friends by going to that festival or holiday that you’d put off during your marriage. Apart from anything else, it will show you that life can become brighter once more.

The longer you feel sorry for yourself, the harder it’ll become to break the cycle too. This is the first page of a new chapter, and you’re holding the pen. Make sure it’s a good one.

Do you have any experience with Divorce?

This post does contain a few affiliate links. Thank you for your support, and i hope if you’re working through a difficult situation like divorce it goes smoothly and you heal quickly.

Angie

http://www.mysocalledchaos.com

The Ultimate Guide To Online Dating (And Finding ‘The One’)

June 22, 2016 by Angie 31 Comments

In the modern world, more and more people are going online in the quest to find ‘the one’. It allows them to meet a wider range of people than in their current social circle. But there are a lot of fakers online so making sure they are real is very important. However, there are success stories out there for couples who have found each other online and gone on to get wed and have kids. Here is your ultimate guide to online dating and hopefully finding the one.

Find a Good Online Dating Site

There are a wealth of sites online who urge you to join up and find a new partner. You need to look into the different sites and decide which one is more suitable for what you are looking for. There are some sites which are specific to a particular religion which you might be involved in. There are others where a family member can make a profile for you and choose dates you will be interested in. There are many popular apps now such as Tinder where you can connect with other people in your area who you fancy. Here is a list of some of the biggest online dating sites that might be of interest to you.

Don’t Lie on Your Profile

Another thing you need to know about online dating is that you should never lie on your profile. A lot of people try and make themselves sound more interesting on their profile. But it’s not worth it as you will just attract the right kind of guy. And when you get on your date, and they ask you about your ‘hobby’, you will get stuck on what to say. Therefore, be honest about your likes and dislikes and about how you look. Show off the real you and they are bound to like your character and charm. And if they don’t, they are not worth it!

Honesty is the best policy, even in your online dating profile! Be real and expect realness…

TWEET IT

Rock Your Age Bracket

You should also know that you are never too old to look for love. There are so many older singles on online dating sites that are looking for companionship. They may have become divorced or widowed or simply haven’t found the right person. There are some sites which are specific for mature dating, or you can put the age in clearly on most dating sites. You should make it clear what age bracket you are in and what age you are interested in when it comes to a potential partner.

Make it Clear What You’re Looking For

To be successful with online dating, you need to ensure you make it clear what you are looking for. If you want something more casual, you should tick that box so that guys that look at your profile know you don’t want something serious. If you want a serious relationship, then show this, so that you don’t end up with guys looking for a quick hook up. You should add on your profile about what you are hoping for the future. If you want kids, you should add it on there. Because if you do, there would be no point dating someone who hates children.

Try Not to Judge People Just by Their Looks

It can be so easy to judge people’s online dating profiles on just how they look. But if you want to find the right guy for you, it has to be more of a connection than just their appearance. When you get a message, don’t click off straight away when you see their picture. Check out their profile and see if you have anything in common. Some of the best relationships are built on friendship, so chat to them and see if you would get along. If you don’t think there would be a spark, be honest and say this.

Go For Profiles That Have Pictures

Unfortunately, there are a lot of crazy people on the internet, and a lot of them go on dating sites to meet people. Therefore, you should go for profiles with pictures so they are more likely to be real. In the modern age, there isn’t really an excuse why they shouldn’t have pictures available to put online. Even if they do have a photo, you still need to be wary. Some people do use fake pictures so be wary of the picture and how they look. If they look too good to be true, it’s likely to be fake.

Are you trying to meet someone online? Check out this ultimate guide to online dating!

TWEET IT

Speak to People Before Meeting Them

Another thing you need to know about online dating and meeting the one is you should have a chat with them first before meeting. If you feel like you would get on, ask for their email and phone number before agreeing to meet them face to face. That way, you can speak to them on the phone to help you feel safe for the date. It will also help you relax and feel comfortable when you meet them. If they refuse to speak on the phone before meeting, you should reconsider going on the date.

Think About Safety

You need to make sure you let people know exactly where you are going to be when you go on a date with someone you have met online. There are so many stories of online dating going wrong. So it’s essential to let a friend know the details of the date. You may want them to go with you and hang around nearby till you are safely with the date. Make sure you meet in a public place, rather than at yours or their home.

Consider Whether or Not You Want to See Them Again

Once you have had a first date with someone you have met online, you can decide if you would like to go on another date with them. The thing you need to know about online dating is that you may have to go out with a couple of people before finding one that’s right for you. Be honest with them if you don’t want to see them again. Hopefully, you will have a connection and will want to meet up again.

There are so many success stories so it’s worth giving it a shot to find ‘the one’.

Have you tried online dating?

This post does contain a couple of affiliate links. Thank you for supporting my blog-you rock!

Angie

http://www.mysocalledchaos.com

First Date Mistakes You Might Be Making

June 9, 2016 by Angie 10 Comments

There are so many dating faux pas these days that it’s difficult to keep up with all of them. You need to take a look at the biggest first date mistakes people make. There’s no doubt you’re probably guilty of some of these things, or at least you used to be. You have to know what the big first date mistakes are so you can prepare for a date by making sure you stop making them. If you can cut out these dating mistakes, you’re going to have much more success on your dates.

The Most Common First Date Mistakes

Talking Too Much

One of the biggest mistakes people make on dates is talking too much. If you want to know how to get a girl to like you, it’s important to know what doesn’t work as well. And talking too much is one of the worst things you can do. It makes you seem as though you’re self-absorbed and that you don’t care about what she has to say. Make sure you’re not talking too much, but that you’re still carrying a conversation as well.

Are you making these common first date mistakes?

TWEET IT

Not Talking Enough

The reverse is also a big problem for a lot of people when it comes to dating. A lot of people have trouble overcoming their shyness, and struggle to maintain a conversation. It’s important to make sure you try to hold a conversation if you can. There’s nothing more awkward on a date than long silences where no one is talking. You need to try to keep up your side of the conversation which will help your date do the same.

Picking the Wrong Date

Too many people these days seem to choose the wrong dates. People they have nothing in common with and don’t click with at all. This is sometimes difficult to determine because of how much dating is done online these days. You can’t really get a measure of a person until you meet them. And people can’t seem great online, but they may have misrepresented themselves. So, it’s important to do what you can to pick the right date before you commit to anything. It’s difficult, but you need to use their profiles to try to determine what they are like.

First date mistakes can make all the difference on whether there’s a second…

TWEET IT

Being Too Opinionated

You need to make sure you aren’t too opinionated on your date. People have strong opinions about things these days, and it’s important to respect these. But the last thing you want is an argument on your first date. That’s the problem with being too opinionated; it can get you off on the wrong foot with your date. So, the best thing to do is to avoid controversial topics and things that people are liable to become upset about. Politics should be an absolute no-no as a first date topic of conversation.

Once you know what you’re doing wrong, you can take steps to change it. There are so many mistakes you can make when you’re on a date, and it’s so easy to make them. You might not even realize where you’re going wrong in the first place. So it’s important to find hints and tips about where you might be going wrong.

Have you seen first date mistakes?

This post may contain affiliate links. Thank you so much for supporting my blog!

Angie

http://www.mysocalledchaos.com

Organizing Your Life After A Long Relationship Ends

June 4, 2016 by Angie 5 Comments

We’ve all had those brief relationships in school and in college, the ones that we weren’t invested in. They’re usually two or three month stints, passageways into adulthood that come and go rather frequently. And then, there are those life-affirming relationships, the ones that you never want to end. Perhaps you had dreams of it ending with marriage, a mortgage and children. When those dreams are crushed and your whole life crumbles, it’s hard to pick up the pieces.

But, pick up the pieces you must! You have to get your life back on track. You can deal with the emotional trauma in the long-run; right now, you have several important things to sort.

Financially

Depending on how closely you were both tied together, this will either be very easy, or very difficult. To start with, you’ll want to close any joint bank accounts you may have opened.

To do this, start by transferring any direct debits from that account to a new one. Once that’s done, transfer the money out of the account and into your personal one. Now it’s a simple case of contacting your bank and asking them to shut it down permanently.

Next, you have to make sure you ‘financially unlink’. This is the act of disassociating yourself from your ex-partner in the eyes of credit companies and lenders. Your credit report may show that you are dependent on or supply this person financially, and that’s not good.

If you don’t unlink, your partner’s bad credit history could affect you, and vice versa. To unlink, contact a credit report company and request that they remove this information from your report.

The best way to sort out a mortgage is to sell the home and have you both move out. It’s the least messy solution, and will allow you both to have some money to start a new life elsewhere.

Legally

If you were married, things get a whole lot trickier, personally as well as legally. Getting a divorce isn’t as simple as clicking your fingers, unfortunately.

You have many options to take here. You can contact a specialist divorce company like the Skillern Firm, or even file for divorce online. I’d recommend having a human being help you though, for obvious reasons.

You’ll have to equally divide any assets, and reach a mutual agreement. If you both signed an agreement before you married and got a mortgage, it will be easier to split things now. If you didn’t, you’ll both have to agree on what belongs to who. Be amicable!

Custody of the children needs to be decided, too. Joint custody is the best choice, and will have the smallest impact on the kids. Try not to put them through too much stress, and let them decide where they live and when they visit.

Socially

You’ll want to remove any social media relationship statuses, like Facebook. If you made friends with some of your partner’s friends, agree to meet up with them when your partner isn’t around.

Don’t go running your mouth on social media or to your friends, either. No matter how hard you try to keep things quiet, it will always find its way out. Don’t moan about your partner to your kids, and ask them not to spread tales about your divorce to their friends.

What’s your best tip for after the relationship ends?

This post may contain affiliate links at no cost to you. Thanks for supporting my blog!

Angie

http://www.mysocalledchaos.com