Dating & Relationships Archives - Page 3 of 7

First Date Essentials to Ensure a Good and Safe Night

November 23, 2015 by Angie 1 Comment

Dating may not be a favorite pastime, but it is something I’ve had a fair amount of experience with. I’ve sadly suffered some pretty bad dates, but I’ve also had a couple of good ones that blossomed into relationships. Most of us have dabbled a little with online dating services. This can bring a whole host of dangers and problems if you’re not careful. I’m not keen on the idea of meeting a complete stranger alone, but if you feel confident enough to give it a go, there are a few essential tips to keep in mind.

If you’ve got a watch, wear it. If you don’t have a watch, something like a Shinola watch is both stylish and practical. You can subtly check how long it has been without constantly looking at your phone. Ask a friend or a family member to be on standby so you can check in. Every twenty to thirty minutes just send a quick text saying you’re OK. If you’re not enjoying the date, give the guy five minutes to turn it around, then be on your way home. Looking at your watch tells him you’re not that interested without you having to say anything.

Keeping your phone on you is important when you are out on your own with a first date. Try to keep your location services on so that friends can keep an eye on where you are. You can never be too careful. Your phone is a good way to record events of the evening too, good or bad. If you’re not sure you can trust the guy, then make a call to a friend and keep the line open until you’ve arrived somewhere safe.

Staying safe on the first date with someone you don’t know is crucial. However, it’s important you have a good time too. As busy Moms, getting a night out is a rare treat. It’s important you make the most of it. Set a time limit on your date and book cabs before you set out. This gives you the option to have a drink if you want one and saves you an awkward situation if your date expects a lift home in your private car.

You can also set a cost limit on your date. Use a prepay card or stick to cash as a way to budget your evening. Not all of us feel comfortable with guys buying all the drinks. Protecting your drink is another thing to be wary of. Don’t be afraid to keep it in your hand. And go to the bar with the guy if he’s ordering so you can receive the drink direct from the bartender.

Having a good time and getting to know your date is important. You’ll both share little snippets of your life. You may even hand over different ways to get hold of one another. When you have kids, it’s important not to give away school details or your home address if you’re not confident your date is genuine. Personal and financial details should be kept private at this stage until you get to know your date a little better. Stay safe out there.

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Angie

Angie is a coffee-fueled writer, artist-wanna-be, and over-worker who currently resides in a tiny fixer-upper near Salt Lake City with her boyfriend and 70lb rescue pittie. She works full time in Customer Service/Computers, part-time in retail and fashion, goes to school part-time on and off, maintains this and another couple of blogs, as well as volunteers with rescue dogs. In her free time, what little of it there is, she likes to read, play nerd games, craft and create art, and spend time with all of the awesome people in her life.

http://www.mysocalledchaos.com

I Don’t Want to Fall Another Moment Into Your Gravity

October 26, 2015 by Angie 43 Comments

I think, when it comes to dating and relationships, one of the hardest things I will ever have to do is walk away from someone I care about so deeply knowing that they care about me as well. Over the years I’ve grown more than used to walking away from people who don’t care about me. It’s become a skill to know when you’re no longer wanted and hit the road, and it’s actually become somewhat easy to pick up and head out when you know that they can’t love you like you could love them, or that they don’t or won’t love you at all.

But someone who does potentially have those kind of feelings for you in return for yours? How do you walk away from that one without more than a little pain and struggle? You don’t-not easily anyway. However, that doesn’t mean you don’t walk away from it if it’s not good for you or not working, because if the situation isn’t right and walking away is necessary you have to find the strength to do it in spite of whatever feelings are there.

Some of you know that I’ve had this on again off again thing for a while now, and that it’s caused me a great deal of introspection and some heartache. In a nutshell, the situation is that I started dating this person in my life and while neither of us had much intention of getting seriously involved, we both developed strong feelings for each other that meant it had to be more than the original plan. However, he’s currently in this situation that (he feels) prevents him from getting too serious at the moment, and while he has the power to change the situation, he hasn’t been able to make himself do so. While he makes me feel amazing in most instances, the constant back and forth of right person wrong time has been exhausting.

Last week I finally told Yoshi that I can’t do it anymore. We’d gotten talking again about how he made me his goal for the rest of this year, how he was going to do whatever he could to get back to me before the end of the year-and I’d gotten sucked back in again. In spite of all my proclamations that I wasn’t waiting for him-I was waiting. I just wanted him so damned bad, and when you want someone like that it’s hard to imagine that there’s someone else out there you can want as much as that, so moving on feels both unlikely and useless.

Then after another conversation where he sounded like he was just accepting his current living situation with no goal of ever changing it, even though I feel like he has all the capability of changing it and just wont, I quit. I told him that while I still care deeply for him and really hope he accomplishes his goal of making his way back to me soon-I’m done waiting. I’m done hoping. I’m done discussing it. It was then that I made our new rules-we can still be friends but we’re no longer allowed to talk about sex, his current living situation, or any possibility of a future together.

Well, me being me, I immediately wanted to break these rules the next day… I can’t help it-I’m a talker-I have to talk things to death before I’m done with them. He, however, stuck to the rules and refused to even respond to me on those topics, which of course made me angry. How could it be so easy for him to just let it go? Well, it’s not, and I know that… He still wants me, he’s just better at following the rules that I set-how can I get mad at him for doing exactly what I told him to do? I can’t. But I did. Why? Because I don’t know how else to get over him.

Sometimes you have to get mad to move on. You have to let that anger fuel you in a direction that is any other direction but backwards. I keep going backwards, falling back into him and my desire for a future we may never in reality achieve. It’s time now to pick up my feet, however weighted they may be, and walk forward without carrying this “what if” bag with me. That bag is too heavy, and all it does is weigh me down. If he wants, he can pick up that bag and meet me somewhere in the future, but for now I have to move on without it-as if it doesn’t and will not ever exist.

So I am. This isn’t a case of “take some time for yourself to move on” because all I’ve had is time for myself. I’ve been single for most of my life. I already know how to love myself and be alone with myself-I’m good at that. Too good at that. This time I need to actually move on and try meeting someone new, whether I meet someone even better that makes me forget how much I want him, or whether I meet someone who I have some fun with in the meantime, who knows… All I know is that I need to move on and actually date other people.

Here goes nothing…

Gravity by Sara Bareilles

Something always brings me back to you, it never takes too long
But no matter what I say or do, I still feel you here ’til the moment I’m gone
You hold me without touch, you keep me without chains
I never wanted anything so much, than to drown in your love and not feel your rain

Set me free, leave me be, I don’t want to fall another moment into your gravity
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I’m supposed to be
But you’re on to me, and all over me…

Oh you loved me ’cause I’m fragile, but I thought that I was strong
But you touch me for a little while, and all my fragile strength is gone

Set me free, leave me be, I don’t want to fall another moment into your gravity
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I’m supposed to be
But you’re on to me, and all over me…

I live here on my knees
As I try to make you see that you’re everything that I think I need here on the ground
But you’re neither friend nor foe, though I can’t seem to let you go
But one thing that I still know is that you’re keeping me down…
You’re keeping me down, yeah

But you’re on to me, you’re on to me, and all over

Something always brings me back to you, it never takes too long

Angie

http://www.mysocalledchaos.com

Because Falling Fills My Memory…

October 12, 2015 by Angie 17 Comments

I’m over it. The words were out before there was time to think about whether or not they were true. Truthfully, I didn’t know if they were true, but I did know that I didn’t want to have the same conversation for the hundredth time. You know, the conversation that starts with him telling me how badly he wants me, but that it’s complicated, and ends with an acceptance of yes, you want me, but not bad enough to do anything about it.

The truth is, as soon as the words left me and my fingers hit the tiny green send button on the screen, a well of emotion swelled up inside of me, informing me that I was no where near over it. Somehow, I thought that just saying that I was over it would make it so-or at least allow us to avoid our default back and forth on why we both want each other but can’t be together right now. In all honesty, I have grown extremely weary of this discussion that seems to go around and around and around, yet always brings us back to square one. However, every time I try to avoid the conversation I come off as callous or cold.

I don’t feel callous or cold… I feel a whole world of emotion, most of it very heated, and none of these feelings leave me feeling detached from the situation in any way… I have no desire to hurt him with my words, and yet somehow I do. At these times, he’s always quick to point out that it’s on him, explaining that it’s his own fault we’re even in this situation, and that maybe he doesn’t have a right to feel sad about me moving on so quickly. I don’t know how he can feel like I’m moving on so quickly when I’ve been at this for nearly six months and I’m still trudging through the mud of deciding whether to hold on or to let go. I’m not stuck here, but I’m moving at a snails pace, or so it seems to me.

The truth is, he’s allowed to feel that way, and honestly I think I’d be kind of bummed if he was anything but sad about me moving on… He’s allowed to feel any damn way he feels. We’re all allowed to feel the ways we do, and we shouldn’t have to feel guilty for feeling it-whether that’s angry or sad-even if a situation is our fault. Just feel something… Anything… Feeling is an important part of this road we’re all on, whether we’re traveling together or alone.

We’re all human. We all make mistakes.

We’re all just trying our damnedest to get by in this great big world, a world that while filled with so much good, is also filled with scary and confusing things. That’s life. That’s being an adult. That’s trying to navigating things that can’t be navigated because they’re lodged so deeply into the deepest depths of the heart.

A heart that’s filled with infinite twists and turns that send you backtracking if you get too close or it gets too frightening.

A heart that changes like the weather without ever really changing at all.

It doesn’t make sense, but then when it comes to love, and feelings, and heartbreak-what does? Not much, if you ask me, but we all just keep coming back like moths to a flame. We can’t stay away-we need it-and would we really want to stay away if we could? I doubt it. Feeling the temporary joy and pain is immensely preferable to feeling numb and empty.

So return we will. We’ll pick ourselves up by the bootstraps and force ourselves back into the caverns of human emotion with hope that one of the chambers we venture down will lead to the center-a place filled with warmth and light… Or so we’ve been told.

I’ll admit at this point in the post that it did not go anywhere near where I assumed it would when I started writing, but sometimes when I’m letting myself poor raw thoughts onto the page like this, it rarely does. This is one-hundred percent why blogging can be therapeutic. I started this post wanting to talk about how I’m not over him and how it still hurts sometimes, and ended up completely forgiving him right here at word 729. Don’t get me wrong, forgiving isn’t excusing… I still feel that if he wanted me badly enough he’d do something to make it happen, and since he’s not doing anything to move towards that goal… Well, all I know is that I can’t stay here in this place hoping for a move to finally be made.

The forgiveness though… In the forgiveness I’ve found right here on this page there is something miraculous… A sort of release. Will this be the end of wanting? No. Will it be the end of hurting for that want? Unlikely… But does it feel easier? A little bit… I’ll take “a little easier”. I’ll take being able to look at him and remember that he’s only human and he’s trying to make his way through all of these winding and misleading roads of emotion… Just like me. Our paths are unique. The way we travel those paths may be different, but we are the same inside, and it’s all going to be okay…

Whatever you want
Whatever you’re needing
Whatever you feel
I’ll bring it all back around
I promise you this
I promise I’m bleeding
Take it easy on me now
Take it easy on me now

I only wish for you to stay
Say you’ll never walk away

Kiss me, oh kiss me, under the covers
Hide from the world now, for we feel like no others
And I’m sorry, so sorry, that I put you through all this
But I hope now that you see that I’ve tasted every tear on your lips
That I’ve tasted every tear on your lips

Ask me your questions
I can give you no answers
I’m turning the tables
You’ve had too many chances
I promise you one thing
I’ll never walk away with hope to watch you fall
Because falling fills my memories

I only wish for you to stay
Say you’ll never walk away

Don’t walk away and watch me fall
Don’t walk away and watch us both fall down
I wont walk away and watch you fall, oh

Musical Mondays is a weekly link-up (with a month-long linky) for anything music related. I hope you can join!

→ Write and publish a blog post sharing music or something music-related.

→ Include the Musical Mondays button-the code is above.

→ Link up in the month-long linky below.

→ Visit other participants and show support.

Angie

http://www.mysocalledchaos.com

Tips for Long Distance Relationships

September 24, 2015 by Angie 8 Comments

Long distance relationships are not easy, but with a few tips and a little bit of luck, you can turn a difficult experience into one that is very rewarding. Also, you can use promo codes to save on flights and there are a variety of inexpensive ways to send tokens of your appreciation to your partner – for example, there are some pretty useful Neiman Marcus coupons that will can let you buy a variety of gifts at affordable prices. Besides that, these helpful hints can help to stoke the flames of passion, no matter how far away you may be:

Keep In Contact

A two hour phone call every day is not necessary, but establishing a normal pattern of communication is. Every conversation does not have to go in depth – the key is not to allow too much time to pass between conversations. Speak to your partner and find out what their preferred method of communication is: text message, phone call, video chat or even snail mail.

Focus On Little Things

Each conversation that the two of you have doesn’t need to be about the state of the relationship, where it’s headed or anything too serious. Instead, the focus should be on the little things that make life interesting. Learning about each other’s daily routines allows the two of you to remain connected in spirit, even when you are separated geographically.

Don’t Idealize The Person

It is easy to forget a person’s lesser traits when you don’t have the chance to see them every day. Absence will definitely make the heart grow fonder, but it also makes the heart somewhat forgetful. Do your best to remember the person as they are and do not place them on a pedestal inside of your mind. If you begin to think that the person is perfect, it will become all the more difficult to have a successful reunion when the time comes.

Create An Environment Of Trust

Trust is the most crucial component of any relationship, no matter if it’s long distance or conventional. Jealousy is bound to happen, as well as temptation. While it is easy to realize that your partner has no ability to see what you are doing, the conscience knows all. Should you place yourself in a difficult situation or make a mistake, let your partner know immediately. Lying may benefit you in the short term, but wasting years of your partner’s life is a huge no.

Find An Interest To Share

Find an activity that you can both enjoy at the same time to remain connected. Something as simple as watching the same TV show not only enables a strong connection, but also gives you both something to talk about that isn’t too serious. Start a video chat when the show is on, so that you can see each other’s reaction in real time. It’s the next best thing to actually being there!

Need a TV show suggestion? Check out Netflix’s upcoming releases.

Angie

http://www.mysocalledchaos.com

I Confess That I’m Only Holding on by a Thin Thin Thread

September 21, 2015 by Angie 31 Comments

A few months ago I told my brother that breakups get easier the older you get and the more you go through. It’s not true. I like to convince myself that they get easier, but they don’t. Maybe they even get harder? Maybe it just depends on the situation. I’m not coping well with this one-my heart hurts infinitely more than I expected and I’m in a really low place.

I’ve lost faith that Yoshi is going to get his complication taken care of in any kind of reasonable time frame, so I’m giving up on us, but losing faith doesn’t seem to equal losing desire. I still want him so badly. When I think about him I ache for him, and then I ache because I can’t have him, and then I fall further into this well of depression over it.

It’s a strange situation because usually when you break up with someone you don’t see them again. You never have the chance to say “you hurt me and I feel like an idiot for hanging on so long…” but in this case I do. I’ve said those things. I’ve gotten responses to those things. It doesn’t make it any better. It still hurts.

Our conversations go something like this:

Me: I really miss you, and this is really hard on me but I need to let go.
Him: I really miss you too. I feel selfish because I want you to not let go all the way, I want us to have a chance in the future, but I also understand if you need to. I don’t want you to hang on forever and keep hurting.
Me: I’m trying to give up on you. It’s just difficult.
Him: I am so sorry for putting you through this.
Me: That’s ridiculous. Stop being sorry. You have the power to change all of this. If you’re sorry, or if I mattered enough, you’d fix the situation!
Him: It’s not about mattering enough, you do matter, it’s just not black and white.
Me: It is. If I mattered enough, or if you wanted me enough, you’d get your shit together.
Him: I’m trying. It’s just slower than you need, and I know I’m screwing this all up and it hurts.
Me: You are screwing it up. You’re going to miss me when I’m gone.
Him: I miss you already. I think about you all the time, but I just keep messing it up and I can’t seem to stop and it kills me to think about it. I’m a huge idiot.
Me: You are a huge idiot. Just fix it! Sorry, I’ll stop bringing this up.
Him: Don’t be sorry, I really understand, I do-you only want what is best for me. You are the best for me, but I keep screwing it up. I’m so sorry.

And so it goes, round and round and round again… I know everything he’s saying is legitimate. It’s the way he thinks and the way he feels, and none of it is false-our all honesty policy has carried on well. It still doesn’t stop me from wanting to shout at him that he’s screwing all of this up-that he could have everything he ever wanted. But he knows that. It’s the strangest thing to know that he knows that he’s making the biggest mistake, yet he can’t seem to stop making the mistake? What. The. Hell?

Yet, all of this-watching him be self destructive and still not letting us have what we both want-and I still want him. It hasn’t stopped or eased at all. If he got his life in order tomorrow and texted me I’d be one hundred percent on board.

But I need to give up on it. I need to move forward without him, and acknowledging that is killing me a little.

This week’s song
Sad
by Maroon 5

Man it’s been a long day
Stuck thinking about it driving on the freeway
Wonderin’ if I really tried everything I could
Not knowing if I should try a little harder

Oh but I’m scared to death that there may not be another one like this
And I confess, that I’m only holding on by a thin thin thread
I’m kicking the curb ’cause you never heard the words that you needed so bad
And I’m kicking the dirt ’cause I never gave you the things that you needed to have
I’m so sad, sad

Man it’s been a long night
Just sittin’ here trying not to look back
Still looking at the road we never drove on
And wondering if the one I chose was the right one

So sad, so sad

Musical Mondays is a weekly link-up (with a month-long linky) for anything music related. I hope you can join!

→ Write and publish a blog post sharing music or something music-related.

→ Include the Musical Mondays button-the code is above.

→ Link up in the month-long linky below.

→ Visit other participants and show support.

An InLinkz Link-up

Angie

http://www.mysocalledchaos.com

‘Cause I Just Can’t Seem to Shake, Wake, Break it, or Quit You

September 14, 2015 by Angie 33 Comments

Sometimes it feels like I’m just caught in these different cycles. There are a few of them, smaller ones within bigger ones, but I keep coming back to the same point-this same square one-when it comes to my heart. The bigger cycle being that I’m increasingly unable to meet/date/fall for anyone who is even capable of having a meaningful relationship. I started logging into a dating site again (just one, it’s all I can handle-baby steps, right?) and hey-surprise! I still hate it.

Hating the idea of starting dating again does not lend itself well to the smaller cycle I’m stuck in when it comes to Yoshi. One minute I’m feeling strong and ready to move on and meet someone else, and then the next minute we get to talking and I get my hopes up for something with him again. Every time I get my hopes up they end up crashing and burning again. It seems like no matter how much he wants me, he just can’t seem to see his way through to putting himself in a position to have me. But since he wants me, he occasionally reminds me of how he hopes we’ll find our way together in the future, and then I start pinning hope to it again. I’ve got to stop doing that.

For example, last week we ended up having a great talk about how much we missed each other. Then he received some good news about the house he’s buying and how manageable his payments will be and he mentioned how exciting this was because it makes it easier to remove the “complication” from the picture. It takes a bit of stress off of him. Of course this piece of news pushed my optimism into full gear… Yay! He’s actually going to remove the complication! But then those prospects plummeted when he again clarified that it might not be right away.

Somehow I end up in these big conversations with him where I let myself get let down. He’s not changing, yet I keep trying to convince myself that something will-and then I let myself drop again. What I really need to do is actually move on. I need to squash all of the hope and stop thinking in a “for now” or a “someday” mentality. I need to start dating and thinking as if he and I will never have a chance together, because it looks far more likely that the situation will indeed go that direction.

The hard part is that I don’t want the door closed completely-I mean if he ever catches up and gets his shit together I’d really like a chance at it… But the problem is that on some level I need to close the door-at least for myself-because leaving the door open even just a bit sees me stepping through it every chance I get. It’s like I’m cracking the door so he can let me know when he wants to walk through it, but I keep poking my head through the door and asking if he’s ready yet. It’s not going to work like that. It doesn’t work like that.

I need to close the door, and if he ever comes around to it-he can knock.

This week’s song:
Quit You
by Tristan Prettyman

Okay so maybe we’re not meant to be
And the thing I feel is just a comic thing
But I never loved the way I loved you
And I don’t think my heart has ever been so true
‘Cause I just can’t seem to shake wake break it or quit you
Ooohooh, I can’t quit you, oh oh

I cannot sleep when it’s your lovin’ I miss
You’re like a fever that I’m comin’ down with
You said a lot, but I never heard no
You said to jump, but I never let go
‘Cause I just can’t seem to shake wake break it or quit you
Ooohooh, I can’t quit you, oh oh

What will it take to make you see
If only you would just choose me
I’d love you to the day I died
And for that I’d be satisfied
I’d be satisfied

While it’d be easier if you were just some guy
From some other town who didn’t live close by
But you got me good and I can’t quit now
Yeah I’m hooked on you and I’m freaking out
‘Cause I just can’t seem to shake wake break it or quit you
Ooohooh, I can’t quit you, oh oh

‘Cause I just can’t, just can’t, seem to, seem to
I just can’t, just can’t, seem to, seem to
I just can’t seem to shake shake wake break it or quit you
Ooohooh, I can’t quit you, oh oh

Oh I can’t quit you and I’m always gonna miss you
And I’m always gonna love you ’cause I can’t quit you
‘Cause I just can’t seem to shake wake break it or quit you

Musical Mondays is a weekly link-up (with a month-long linky) for anything music related. I hope you can join!

→ Write and publish a blog post sharing music or something music-related.

→ Include the Musical Mondays button-the code is above.

→ Link up in the month-long linky below.

→ Visit other participants and show support.

An InLinkz Link-up

Angie

http://www.mysocalledchaos.com

When I Learn to Live Without it I’ll Be Gone

September 7, 2015 by Angie 23 Comments

A little piece of advice for all of you today… Sometimes, life is going to throw things at you whether you’re ready or not, and you are going to have to make a decision one way or another on how to react. Then sometimes, those decisions will lead to either having it all or to missing out on something amazing that you’ll never get the chance at again. Once it’s gone it’s gone… Will you risk it and leap at the chance? Or will you decide to stay in your comfort zone and possibly miss out on what could be the best thing to happen to you?

But sometimes, you’re going to be that curve ball for someone else, and you’re going to have to make the decision whether or not you’re worth it to yourself to let them take their dear sweet time deciding whether or not you’re “worth” taking a chance on. You have to decide if you can wait around for them to decide what they’re going to do… And you have to decide how long you’re going to wait around.

I’ve held off on telling too much of the reason that Yoshi and I had such bad timing, because it’s mostly his business. I will just say for the purpose of this post that it’s due to a living situation and how he wants to get it resolved before being with me, because he doesn’t want any complication standing in the way. His current living situation is a complication, and previously he’d told me he’d get it resolved in three months max. Setting a time line was good, right?

What was even better is that he actually ended up putting in an offer on a house. You may recall that Yoshi and I started bonding originally over the fact that we were both trying to buy a house, and we bonded over house hunting being as awful as dating. When he told me he’d actually put in an offer on a house, I got really excited. He put in his notice on his apartment and this should surely resolve his living situation quicker. Good, right?

I thought so. Until he said it might not actually resolve the situation. He was contemplating taking the contemplation with him to the new house for a little bit-just because he felt bad that it wasn’t the three months he originally set. This was the point that I started to feel like it was just never going to get resolved. The whole first two paragraphs of this blog post are based off of this whole speech I wanted to give him about taking chances or missing out on things. Those things being me, because I’m a great catch and he’ll never find someone just like me-and trust me he’s getting closer and closer to missing out on me.

I’m just tired of waiting around to find out if I’m “worthy” of taking the risk or not. The situation is exhausting, and I’m starting to feel like a second option-I’m starting to feel like if he really cared about me he’d actually change the situation instead of worrying about all the new ways it might not be resolved. It’s a cycle that I need out of at the moment, and I broke down and told him this-and then I battled crying at my desk for most of the rest of the day because I don’t want it to be over.

I still want him. I still want to give us a chance. But I can’t handle the waiting-it’s not doing me any favors. So how do I stop myself from waiting around because of all the hope I have in me? I don’t know… But it starts with saying “I’m not waiting.” I did tell him he should still let me know if things get resolved, but that I have to go forward and live my life as if it isn’t going to-because the closer and closer it gets, the more it looks like that’s going to be the case-at least for a long time. I can’t keep letting myself hurt over this…

I may still want him, but don’t you ever doubt it, when I learn to live without it I’ll be gone…

This week’s Musical Mondays song:
Second Option
by Caitlin Cary & Thad Cockrell

I don’t wanna be your second option
I don’t wanna be your after thought
I don’t wanna know the plans you make
If they’re not with me then call them off, call them off

I’ve been alone on a Sunday baby
I’ve been alone on a Monday
I’ve been alone too many days, baby
Don’t you every doubt it
When I learn to live without it I’ll be gone, gone

I don’t wanna know where you’ll be going
I don’t wanna see the clothes you wear
I don’t wanna hear the fuss you make
If it’s not for me, then I don’t care, I don’t care

I’ve been alone on a Sunday baby
I’ve been alone on a Monday
I’ve been alone too many days, baby
Don’t you every doubt it
When I learn to live without it I’ll be gone, gone, gone

The leaves on the trees are lonely
The stars wanna shine
If you don’t care, let go of me
Cruel to be kind, cruel to be kind

And I don’t wanna hang on your pretty hook
I don’t wanna wait another day
I’m the biggest fish in your shallow water
Always be the one that got away, got away

I’ve been alone on a Sunday baby
I’ve been alone on a Monday
I’ve been alone too many days, baby
Don’t you every doubt it
When I learn to live without it I’ll be gone, gone, gone

And I’ve been alone on a Sunday baby
I’ve been alone on a Monday

Musical Mondays is a weekly link-up (with a month-long linky) for anything music related. I hope you can join!

→ Write and publish a blog post sharing music or something music-related.

→ Include the Musical Mondays button-the code is above.

→ Link up in the month-long linky below.

→ Visit other participants and show support.

An InLinkz Link-up

Angie

http://www.mysocalledchaos.com

I Can’t Stop Wanting You Next to Me

August 31, 2015 by Angie 21 Comments

Sometimes I think it would be easier to not care as much. If I could just move on with my life and not have any desire to wait around for someone in particular, it could be easier… Maybe? I don’t know. Dating sucks anyway, whether you’re waiting for someone specific or anyone in general, so maybe not…

At this point in time I’m fine waiting for Yoshi. I mean, I miss him quite a bit and spend a lot of time wishing he was around in person, but the span of time I’ve set to wait is not the problem. That time is going to fly by, and then I’ll find myself at a point where I find out whether we’re going to try for real or not. The part that I’m having the hardest time with is that I’m terrified that when those three months roll around, if we don’t work out, how am I going to stop wanting him? All this time I’m wanting him so badly, and dealing with the fact that I can’t have him for now-what happens if it’s no longer just “for now” and I have to get the hell over it?

Sometimes the idea of us ending up together after all of this does feel like it would be a total miracle, and then my pessimist side kicks in and I don’t believe in miracles-and I feel discouraged. Logically I know that I’d eventually get over it, I have in the past, but emotionally I know it’ll hurt quite a bit if it comes down to that. My optimist side somehow manages to hang on enough that I have significant hope of us having a future once events have happened and things are cleaned up a bit. We just get on so well. We’re super compatible when we’re together-and I’m terrified of losing that.

Unfortunately it’s those thoughts that seem to wrap their grubby fingers around every bit of insecurity in me. I told Yoshi that I’m terrified that three months is too long and that we’ll just fizzle out and die, or that he’ll forget how much he wants me during that time. He’s reassured me more than once that he could never forget because he knows he’ll never find someone even 1/4th as good as me-which is sweet, but I get to distrusting that feeling.

I don’t distrust him. With our all honestly all the time policy I have learned to trust what he says to me; I just fear that it’ll change. That’s the part that makes me feel like a pit has opened up in my stomach and sucked my heart down into it. What if I keep waiting and wanting and he stops? It’s just insecurity. He’s assured me that he wants me just as badly and can’t imagine not wanting me like this, and honestly if he did I would be okay-I would move on like I do, but still. Wanting this much hurts. It’s a risky move.

Some people are worth the risk though, and I can’t stop myself from putting myself out on this limb with every hope that Yoshi is one of those people. So far he’s different than anyone else I’ve dated just for the sheer fact that he wont sleep with me unless we can have all of each other and actually be together. Most guys would have dropped any care about a relationship and gone for all physical, and he refuses even when I’m the one bringing that up. That’s a pretty good indicator that he’s not like all the other guys, and maybe-just maybe-this whole thing will be worth all of this waiting and wanting.

And for now? Well, for now I’ll keep reminding him why I’m awesome. I’ll do my best to remind him why being together in the long run is worth the wait, and I’ll do my best to not let either of us walk away without giving this a chance-just in case.

This week’s song:
I Wont Let You Walk Away
by Mako & Madison Beer

I know I wont stop if you give me the keys
Because I could drive it like I’m a criminal
I wont watch if you want me to leave
‘Cause I keep looking back for a miracle

I’m just a lighter without a spark
Take a bullet right straight through the heart
Oh I’ve made my mistakes but I wont let you walk away

Please don’t tell me you’re gone ’cause baby I want this
Please don’t give it too long ’cause baby I’ve got this
Please don’t tell me you’re gone ’cause baby I want this
Please ’cause I wont let you walk away

I’ve got my windows down getting lost in the breeze
And I feel like I’m caught in a fairytale
I can’t stop wanting you next to me
‘Cause I keep holding out for a miracle

I’m just a lighter without a spark
Take a bullet right straight through the heart
Oh I’ve made my mistakes but I wont let you walk away

I wont let you walk away

Whoa, whoa, whoa I wont let you walk away

I wont let you walk away

Whoa, whoa, whoa I wont let you walk away

Like this song? Buy it here:

Musical Mondays is a weekly link-up (with a month-long linky) for anything music related. I hope you can join us!

>> Write and publish a blog post sharing music or something music-related.
>> Include the Musical Mondays button-the code is above.
>> Link up in the month-long linky below.
>> Visit other participants and show support.

Angie

http://www.mysocalledchaos.com

But Baby How Long?

August 24, 2015 by Angie 10 Comments

Anyone who knows me knows that patience is not necessarily a virtue I do so well with. I’m an Aries in almost every sense of the word. I barrel through life and situations and I don’t take a lot of time to stop and think things through first, I just go-go-go. Unfortunately this isn’t a method that typically works to well when interacting with others-especially in the dating world. Most people can’t just jump in with both feet and see what will be-they want to think it through first and can’t just throw caution to the wind and see what comes-and there’s nothing wrong with that per say.

This just means that I have to work really hard on my patience with confronted with a situation like this. It’s a good thing, patience is really something I could stand to have a little bit more of, but it’s a hard thing also. I spend most of the time while I’m trying to patiently wait wondering “how long?” and agonizing over a resolution.

Last week for my Musical Mondays post I chose a song regarding just that-waiting. Well it was more like “not waiting” and just meeting back up if it worked out, which is great, but almost harder to do. I chose that song because of my current situation with Yoshi, and explained so in that post as well. I spoke about how I wasn’t really waiting around, but my state of being seems to be one constantly changing based on how I feel and how our interactions are going.

I spent most of the past week working on my house in order to get it ready (well, ready enough) for my housewarming party, and that meant a lot of physical labor. Somehow, physical labor with music playing in the background seems to be an extremely productive way for me to work through things in my head, and I’m able to work hard and let my brain kind of do it’s own thing with the issues I’m thinking of. After many days of this, I came to the conclusion that part of me is, and will still, be waiting-and that I’m okay with that.

Don’t worry, this type of waiting doesn’t mean sitting around and pining for the guy while he gets his shit together. That’s not me. What it does mean, is that since he’s given himself and other people in his life a three month max period in which it needs to be handled-I’m giving him that also. At this point in my life, I have no desire to go out and actively date or to get involved in online dating again.

It’s horrible. I hate it. I have too much going on to worry about it.

Also, really, three months isn’t that long these days… With the years starting to feel like they’re just flying by, it’ll be November/December before I know it. So while I am technically single and thus open to the possibility that someone else could come into my life during that time, I’m not going to go out and actively search for it. Given my track record, it’s unlikely, but you never know. So for now, I’m waiting. I had a conversation with Yoshi explaining the same thing, and I told him that he can have that (up to) three months. If he hasn’t followed through with what he wants to accomplish at that point, I’m going to have to walk away and finally stop waiting, but I’m still holding out hope that things will clear up and we’ll have a chance to give us a real go.

A girl can hope right? So for the next three months I will do my best to be patient with the whole situation and I promised not bug him too much about it. I’m still going to check in, and he promised that he’d keep me in the loop and let me know if anything changed either direction, but I am actively choosing this situation knowing full well what it is and I can’t complain.

But I miss him, so at least to myself I’ll be sitting around listening to this song, wondering how long it will be, and hoping that after all is said and done we get to be together. Fingers crossed.

This week’s song:
How Long
by Matchbox Twenty

So many times with you and I, thought it was right but I was wrong, it’s true
And I wouldn’t feel the way I do without a sense of something real for you

It’s all about a good thing
So I don’t mind holding on

But how long are you gonna make me wait?
And how long are you gonna hesitate?
‘Cause I love the way we’re carrying on
But baby how long?

You know the way they always say don’t make it never, it’s better late, well that’s true
But tell me why, my cautious angel, must you put it in my face like you do?

It’s all about a good thing
So I don’t mind holding on

But how long are you gonna make me wait?
And how long are you gonna hesitate?
‘Cause I love the way we’re carrying on

But baby I don’t ever wanna make you feel too rushed
Make you feel like love wouldn’t be enough
Or that it’s just another don’t mean much
Like a high-school crush make you wanna run

Oh can’t you see the way I need you crazy and I want you in my arms every night of my life?

So tell me how long are you gonna make me wait?
Oh how long are you gonna hesitate?
‘Cause I love the way we’re carrying on
But baby how long?

How long? How long? How long?
How long? How long? How long?

Tell me how long

Love this song? Buy it here:

Musical Mondays is a weekly link-up (with a month-long linky) for anything music related. I hope you can join us!

Angie

http://www.mysocalledchaos.com

If We Still Exist I Can Let Go of My Fear

August 17, 2015 by Angie 20 Comments

Some of you may remember how I drew a line with Yoshi recently and we had a big talk where we discussed how he just wasn’t ready for a relationship and I couldn’t wait around for it. Those lines are hard not to cross when you’re around someone often enough and you can’t stop feeling what you’re feeling. Neither one of us wants to let go of the other… It’s kind of terrible that for once I have feelings for someone who actually feels them back for me, but then timing sucks.

So naturally, I thought I’d cross that line a little… Maybe just a toe? It doesn’t hurt if I just put a toe over, right? I messaged him to ask him if we should consider extending our friendship… Not just friends, but friends with benefits. I mean, if we’re not in a relationship it doesn’t hurt in the meantime does it? I know I can’t do meaningless sex, it would never be meaningless between us, but just because there is something more there doesn’t mean we have to be in a relationship.

Well, Yoshi may be a bit wiser than me. I was willing to lie to myself about my ability to maintain a relationship like that (even though I’ve learned time and time again that I can’t) just because I wanted to remain close to him for a while. Yet he kept putting me off, and then I finally asked him about it and he just told me that he knew he couldn’t do it. He felt too much for me to be able to separate those feelings, even if it was just for a short while before we were ready to be something more to each other.

This meant we had another big talk. He has set a time limit on when things need to be worked out by in his life, and it’s “three months max”, meaning it could be as early as two weeks, but it could be as late as three months. We talked again about how I couldn’t wait around for that, and he said he wished we weren’t having this conversation because he cared too much for it just be over-though he understood that he couldn’t expect me to just wait around.

So I’m not waiting… Not entirely… Okay, part of me is waiting. Knowing my track record, it’s unlikely I’ll have a boyfriend in three months and I’m in no mood to actively go out and try to date. Not with everything I have going on with the house and work, and especially not since I’m still keeping my fingers crossed that he and I can come back together and really give it a go. He’s a great guy, and the reason we’re apart now is because he’s trying to be respectful of me and other people in his life. It’s kind of amazing to be so well respected, even though I’ve given him every opportunity to cross that line with me. He won’t.

I love it and hate it. I’m filled with so much fear that three months will be too much time, that all this stuff between us will fizzle out and die if we don’t cultivate it… But he’s one hundred percent right that we can’t just try to be something we’re not in the meantime, it’s not something we’re capable of and to be honest, if we had done that and then things hadn’t worked out properly, it would have probably destroyed any chance of having something real or of being friends after everything is all said and done.

I know I’ve shared this song before, but it is suddenly something that relates more heavily to my life. The time is wrong, but the person could be right-and here’s hoping that when we’re able to come back together we still exist and can let go of our fears and really experience it. I hope so with everything in me.

This week’s song:
Habits
by Maria Mena
Featuring Mads Langer

I am a creature of habit, and I move in circles ’round you
I will admit there’s a pattern, one I’ve created myself
None of my lovers dared leave me
I grew impatient and stale
Didn’t look back once I’d left them, ‘cuz I always expected to fail

But this time it’s different, the rules don’t apply
But I need some distance to step out of line

So grant me this wish and meet me back here in a year
If we still exist I can let go of my fear
Fear of normalcy, fear of the solid walls of of our future
And let go of my past

I must be crazy to want this, ’cause you are the girl of my dreams
But I’m prone to ruin the good things, cautious around balance it seems

With you it is different, the rules don’t apply
But I need some distance to step out of line

So grant me this wish and meet me back here in a year
If we still exist I can let go of my fear
Fear of normalcy, fear of the solid walls of of our future
And let go of my past

Musical Mondays is a weekly linky party where you can share songs or other music-related posts each Monday and link up with the linky. Then you can visit the other music posts linked up. To join us:

Write a blog post sharing music or something music-related.
Include the Musical Mondays button (code below) and/or a link back.
Link-up in the linky below. (NEW-It’s going to be a month long linky, so feel free to add links through the month!)
Visit other Musical Monday links in the linky.

Angie

http://www.mysocalledchaos.com