While I have had plenty of experience with dating in all of its various forms, I still consider myself having been single for the majority of my life due to the fact that I’ve had very few committed relationships. One thing this experience has taught me over the years is independence, and I’m glad for it. I take care of myself, I pay my own bills, I make my own decisions (with the occasional opinion from a friend or two), I do/buy/think/say what I want, and I live how I want-and I like it. Not having a man to rely on has taught me how to fend for myself and fight my own battles.
That doesn’t mean I never wanted a real relationship or a significant other around. I did. I do. I will. However, after years of waiting around in hopes that the right guy would come along-I’m not waiting anymore. I’m doing things I never thought I’d do on my own (buy a house, for one) and it feels damned good. I’m learning skills like patching drywall, changing locks, fixing headlights, etc. I’m one fierce woman.
One thing it does mean is that I’m a twenty-nine year old single woman who has her shit together. I own my own home, my own car, go to work 40+ hours a week, and I take care of myself. There is no part of me that waits around for my “Prince Charming” anymore-I save myself.
That doesn’t go just for the physical/monetary things in life either-it also covers emotional and mental well-being. For the most part, I have all that shit together. I battle with a lot of the same things as other people like depression (yes, even chemical) and anxiety (moderate to severe), as well as the stuff that comes along like heartbreak, disappointment, failure, self-doubt, insecurity, and devastating loss. But you know what? I pull myself together after each of these things and I keep trucking. I don’t let them hold me back from living my life and moving forward. I enlist help when I need it (I see a therapist once or twice a month), I take days off from the world when I need them, but I never retreat into myself and let my life disappear for good.
I have my shit together. A lot of people don’t. I end up dating most of them.
Sometimes I think I probably come off as a bit intimidating for some of the guys who date me. I mean, I don’t mind if they buy me dinner, open my doors, fix something for me-but I don’t need them to, and I wont wait for it either. If I need something fixed-I fix it. If I need something done-I do it. It’s just easier that way. But some guys can’t handle not being “needed” or relied on, and they run or self-sabotage. Big babies.
Hey-I don’t mind being intimidating. It weeds out the guys I probably don’t want to spend the rest of my life with anyway. If a guy can’t handle my independence, or any other part of me, I don’t need him around. You know why? I’m single and I like it. Someday someone awesome will come along and change that, and I’ll like that too, but until then-I’m good. I’m not going to rush into a relationship or settle just because I don’t want to be alone anymore. I hope any future guys I date are prepared for that-because it’s going to take a good independent man to keep up with me too.
I’m single (right now) that’s how I want to be